Deadmen Tell No Tales
by Nee Knight
Summary: Ghosts from Carmelita's past come back, and it's up to Sly, Carmelita and the gang to make them once more just ghosts. NOW UPDATED!
1. Woah Intro

Deadmen Tell No Tales by Nee Knight 

NOTES- Sly Cooper and related characters are property of Sucker Punch. Pot noodle and Pop Tarts belong to their owners. The story and other characters are property of Nee. This fic takes place in between Sly Racoon and Sly 2. This is Nee's first real attempt at fanfiction so if it sucks tell Nee what needs work. It's the only way Nee'll learn... Nee really needs to work on not speaking third person.

Ch1 - "Woah Intro"

"Ahhh Argentina. The country that gave the world the Tango. Home to the world's best polo players and now home to three precious gems that could buy you a small island. Hi, I'm Scott Crawford of SCES News, speaking to you from outside the Argentina National Museum in the beautiful city of Buenos Aires, where the latest additions are creating quite a bit of a stir. Police from every corner of the globe have been called in to oversee tomorrow's unveiling of the three gems of Captain Ville appraised at 157 million dollars US. I have here with me Mr Howard Kellerman, Museum Curator and Inspector Carmelita Fox, Head of Security for the event. Now Mr Kellerman..."

"Hey! Forget the old guy, show Carmelita again!" Sly shouted at the TV with a stupid grin on his face. With Bentley and Murray out meeting up with the distraction for the next day, Sly had taken to the couch so he could watch SCES's special on tomorrow's heist. Who needed recon photos when the news can walk where ever they want. So far they had done a bio of old Cap Ville, talked to the guys who discovered the shipwreck that had housed those stones for three and a half centuries, as well as the history of the gems. Each had come from different cities now lost in today's world, Sly had to marvel at the names people gave these poor cities, Ramtuc, Scotra and Fuzelflop. Who named this things? Bentley had told Sly that the cities were named by the people who first found clues to their existence, although Sly found it hard to believe that a serious historian would call a city Fuzelflop. "Oh well, like "Old Copper Eye" Cooper once said, "A gem by any other name, would still sell for as much", Sly chuckled to himself.

"... thank you very much for your time Mr Kellerman. Now Inspector Fox..."

Sly attention snapped back to the TV, "Here we go", he said with a smirk.

"... could you perhaps take us through some of the security procedures?"

Sly couldn't believe it, they weren't seriously going to give away the security plans. If they did that, he'd have to call off the heist. There was no point, no fun if they showed him the answers to the exam before the test. However Sly's fears were quickly put to rest by the look Carmelita shot the reporter.

"Do you honestly expect me to answer that? This is an international event. Diplomats from every corner of the globe are attending this opening, all of whom are looking to me and my department to make sure no one makes off with the main attraction. So in answer to your question, no I can't take you and every thief watching this show though security procedures." said Carmelita. Although she hadn't shouted at Crawford, she, her icy demeanour and pure common sense had showed him up on national TV.

The poor news reporter stood still for a moment, contemplating his next question, not wanting to make a bigger prat of himself than he had already.

"Then perhaps you could explain what an active Interpol officer is doing arranging security for this opening, when the job could have been done by an independent security firm?"

"I have already stated that Diplomats from every corner of the globe are attending this event. It is safer for them and the gems if we know the background of everyone working on this, Interpol officers are more obviously more trustworthy than a bunch of police academy dropouts who could sell the security plans to some guy they meet down the pub."

Sly was enjoying this. Not only was the every lovely Miss Fox getting the air time she so richly deserved, she was using it to publicly embarrass one of the most annoying voices of SCES News.

"Oh, I see, that's the story is it?", said Scott who was smiling a little to much for someone who just been made a fool of twice, as if he'd led Carmelita into a trap.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I was just thinking, as I sure some of our viewiers are thinking, does Interpol giving you this assignment have any thing to do with your inability to capture world renowned super thief Sly Cooper?", Carmelita stood silent, he wasn't going to give her a momemt to think of a response, "Is that what happened, Miss Fox? The fact you have chased Cooper without a break in the case for Lord knows how long now, too much for the top brass?" The Inspector was now biting her bottom lip and clenching her fists, "Or are we led to believe Cooper has had his case shelved, are Interpol giving up? Have you?" A vein on Carmelita's head looked like it was going to blow.

Having seen the vixen's foul temper first hand, Sly was worried that Inspector Fox would do something her chief wouldn't be happy seeing on a TV special (despite the fact the guy deserved it). Another thought entered the racoon's mind, had Carme been taken off his case? Had they had their last dance in the moonlight?... Well to be fair it had almost never involved dancing, but it's a nice way to remember the chases and the small battles of wits they had.

After a deep intake of breath and a very brief moment to collect herself after the barrage of questions, Carme spoke as if reading a preperpared statement.

"The case to which you're referring is still my investigation, however many of the leads have dried up due to the Cooper gang's state of inactivity in recent months. It would be a waste of Interpol's time and resources, not to mention tax payers money, to pursue the case until new leads present themselves. That ringtail maybe the world's best thief but he's not it's only thief, so me and my department cannot chase after one criminal and let the rest have their way with the world. As you should be aware, the prevention of theft is also a police matter. It is easier to stop theft from taking place than it is to catch a thief after the event."

"Okay... either she's being taking some anger management classes or that's exactly what the chief said to her when she first refused to play security guard", Cooper thought aloud, happy to hear their Tango would continue but a little disappointed he hadn't seen Carmelita give Scott Crawford a bloody nose. "Oh well, maybe I can Ninja Spire Jump his head tomorrow."

"Yes I suppose that's true, thank you Inspector Fox. And now let's go over to Raquel to hear more about that forecast for tomorrow's big day..." With that the 'coon clicked the remote and bid adieu to the fair Miss Fox for the evening. Bentley and Murray would be back from Palermo soon and it was Sly's turn to get dinner. Getting himself off the couch which he had spent the last few hours with, the young thief decided to take a look in the hideout's kitchen before ordering the pizza.

"Lets see, lets see. Pop tarts... nope, Pot noodle... maybe, rice and... thats it. Hm you think with a Hippo about the place we'd keep more in stock." The cupboard Sly was looking in was like something out of Old Mother Hubbard, "Oh hi Murray, no Bentley I haven't got dinner yet."

The hippo looked confused. For weeks now the big guy had been trying to sneak up on his striped tailed friend. Every time he or Sly split up to run errands or something, "The Murray" would try to get the drop on Sly and every time Sly would say hi before Murray even got close. It had never occurred to the hippo that if his thieving buddy could hear a bottle "plinking" several roof tops away, he'd have no trouble hear a hippo walking around on a wooden porch.

"Hey Sly, where are ya?"

"In the kitchen Murray, You guys done with the heist's distraction?"

"Yep!" Murray grinned."The Murray and his trusting sidekick "Green Brain" have succeeded, you have nothing to worry about civillian." Except for a pink hippo thinking he's a superhero. "What for dinner? "The Murray's" mighty appetite knows no bounds."

"With the stuff here, a pop tart and rice sandwich in a light pot noodle sauce... which when I think about it doesn't sound half bad." Sly said after thinking about his idea.

"Sounds good to "The Murray", civillian."

"Sounds revolting to The Bentley."

The sizeable and surprised hippo turned to see that the gang's third member had made it into the hideout without him noticing. How was he going to become a master thief like his pal if he couldn't even hear the clumsy footfalls of their shelled friend. Sly also looked surprised, not because he hadn't heard Bentley, the racoon had heard the turtle's muttering to himself every since Sly had greeted him with news that dinner was not ready yet. No, Sly was surprised by the fact Bentley could look greener then he already was.

"No, no, no, Bentley! Your name is "Green Brain". It doesn't sound right if we're both called "The" something."

"We'll discuss codenames later. But first let's talk about how one of the world's best thieves can even consider putting Pot noodle in his mouth the evening before a big heist."

"One Of? My business card reads World's best thief." Sly produced one of his world famous calling cards to prove his statement.

"I know," Bentley said, rubbing his temples, "I'm the one who makes them up for you, remember?"

"Besides, what's wrong with pot noodle?"

"THE TASTE ISN'T ENOUGH FOR YA?" Bentley had forgot for a moment he was talking to a racoon, remembering a 'coon can and will eat anything it finds. Taking a deep breath Bentley calmed himself, "Okay how about the fact Pot noodle has little to no nutritional value?"

"So?" Sly had a "Who cares" look on his face.

"It can stay in your system for years."

"Can! Not does, Can!"

"Noodles give Murray gas!"

"...Let's get takeout." Sly said after Bentley played the trump card (literally). There was no way Sly could ride in the van with a gassy Murray when there was a possiblity of later meeting the one and only Carmelita Montoya Fox. 'Shame... I fancied Pot Noodle' Sly thought as he picked up the phone. 'The things one does for love'.


	2. A Crime Scene Singalong

"Deadmen Tell No Tales" by Nee Knight

NOTES- Sly Cooper and related characters are property of Sucker Punch. Nee has no idea who own Mack the Knife but it belong to them (The version Nee heard was sung by Bobby Darin). Nee's characters are property of Nee. Nee is in a happy mood right now, the words Nee change actually fit the tune. And don't worry, the main story start soon.

Ch2 - A Crime Scene Singalong

"Move the plants!"

"'cuse me?"

"I said move those plants," the exhausted Inspector tried to explain, "those plants obscure the air vent from the security camera's view."

"But Mr Kellerman said..."

"Move them NOW!" Carmelita had had enough. She had already spent half the day telling the hired help the do's and don't's of security, such as:

Don't hide any air vents.

Do make sure that her men could watch the ceiling

And don't erect a giant floor-to-ceiling cutain all the way round the most valuable rocks in Argentina.

However all those plans and rules came second to presentation, it seemed, in the eyes of the Museum Curator, Mr Kellerman. The old baboon had asked the men to do exactly the opposite. That meant all "unsightly" vents were to be covered, several giant pinatas were in the way of the ceiling (what they had to do with the stones was anyone's guess). But those were peanuts compared to the biggest security risK of all; the giant crushed velvet curtain which surrounded the gems' glass cabinet.

"Honestly! How am I supposed to guard something I'm not allowed keep under observation?", the Inspector muttered under her breath.

"I'm sure you'll think of something." A voice answered from behind her.

The unexpected answer caused the even cautious Miss Fox to spin around, shock pistol at the ready. To her surpise it was Mr Kellerman and what's more he apparently had the ability to maintain his regal composure even with a gun thrust in his face. Carmelita reminded herself to get her hearing checked, too many people were getting the drop on her recently.

"I wouldn't have to, if you weren't turning this building into a goddamn sneak thief's paradise.", the vixen replied lowering her weapon. She saw no reason to apologise, he'd crept up behind her. Besides he didn't seem to mind.

"That's not what I'm trying to do at all, Miss Fox."

"Well, you're doing a very good job of it."

"Look... the glow the gems give off is so other-worldly, the museum and I have decided that their surroundings should reflect that. We want the Diplomats and the news cameras to feel they no longer in some boring old building but another plane of existence entirely. Hence the over-sized novelty creatures hanging from the ceiling and the covering of those unsightly air vents. Now stop worrying Inspector, I didn't when your age and look what happened to me."

This last statement made Carmelita walk away from the conversation and made her way to the platform set in front of the curtain. Arty weirdos she knew how to handle, she just gave them a smack in the mouth, but guys whom mentioned her physical well-being were harder to handle. On one hand you can't just leap down their throats for caring but on the other they (As Carmelita found out when she was younger) often had hidden motives. She just chose to walk away most of the time (except when it's a certain ring-tail). 'It's bad enough they gave me this joke assignment, why they'd have to make me work with him?'

The baboon stood and watched the over-worked fox walk away. 'That's the problem with the youth of today, they don't know how to have a little fun', he smiled to himself.

"Err 'cuse me Mr Kellerman..."

"Yes, what is it?"

"Err.. Miss Fox told me ta move those plants, so where should I put 'em?"

"Oh I think we'll just leave them where they are."

'Thanks for making up your minds' Sly thought to himself. He'd been making his way past that cover when he heard Carmelita's familiar voice say "Move the plants!". He couldn't risk passing an air vent when some guy was moving the only thing between him and plain sight. He had now spent three minutes waiting to see whether or not his only path to the ceiling was going to be blocked by a hole in the wall.

"If you had risked it, they would have moved them with the Inspector looking straight at you."

"I could have made it!", the impatient racoon whispered into his collar, "Besides Ben..."

"Remember the codenames, Sitting Duck!"

"Okay! Besides 'Wizard' you said timing for this one was crucial."

"I always factor in a few minutes 'Sitting Duck'. With you and "The Murray" on the team, I have to."

"Okay I'm off to the ceiling, 'Sitting Duck' out." And with that Cooper made his way thought the vents to his post - the empty space between the ceiling and the roof - to wait for the beat.

'Why do they even have these gaps?' Sly had been sitting and waiting for at least two hours. It was now 08:22pm. Bentley wasn't kidding when he'd said he factored in a few minutes. 'Sure, it gives a little more protection from the rain but the roof is leaking anyway...'

"Ladies and Gentlemen, members of the press..."

"Showtime." The grin on the young master thief could not get any wider. "Bentley, cut the mic and cue the music."

"...We are here tonight to...dum deedee dum deedee dum deedee..." Kellerman had no idea what was going on. He'd only just started what was timed to be a hour-long speech and out of the speaker was pouring a steady jazzy beat. He turned to the others on the stage, looking for an answer, however the answer and the cause booted open the doors behind the audience.

"Oh, the shark, babe, has such teeth, dear" A small ferret in a light blue shirt and skin-tight black pants with a mic was grinning as he sung "Mack The Knife". This was surreal, this was weird, this was...

"Other-Worldly.", the old baboon said in a whisper. This madman was what the event was lacking. A bit of fun. Unfortunately someone else on the platform wasn't the fun-loving type. Carmelita had already locked her gun-sight on the singing ferret. The only reason why the singer wasn't shocked was Mr Kellerman's stare.

"What are you doing? The man is ..."

"Funny." The curator laughed. "The press are also present, you can't shock someone just because they're singing. Relax. If he goes for anyone then you can shoot." Carmelita merely replied by folding her arms and muttering to herself.

The small guy in skin-tight pants had however just continued his song...

"And it shows them pearly white Just a jackknife has old MacHeath, babe And he keeps it, ah, out of sight Ya know when that shark bites with his teeth, babe Scarlet billows start to spread Fancy gloves, oh, wears old MacHeath, babe So there never, never a trace of red."

While all this was going on Cooper had started work. Timing his movements to the beat, Sly could move under the cover of the music especially when it came to things like breaking the glass case which housed old Ville's gems. After ropeing down Mission Impossible style, Sly shattered the final thing between him and a long vacation. 'But then again, don't want give up thieving altogether.' he thought as he only took the one. 'Fuzelflop if I'm not mistaken, heh heh heh'.

"Now on the sidewalk, huh, huh, whoo sunny morning, un huh Lies a body just oozin' life, eek And someones sneakin' round the corner Could that someone be Mack the Knife?"

'Just shoot me', Carmelita wasn't having fun. She was stuck in a room full of idiots and Diplomats who thought this was all part of the show, 'I thought this was a museum, not a three-ring circus. Forget the plants and the curtain, this guy the biggest security risk.' Kellerman was now dancing alongside the singing ferret, who somehow had the spotlights on him.

Standing on the light rigging, which was hidden amongst the pinatas, Sly was grinning down at Carmelita's beautful pout. Sure this wasn't part of the planned escape route, but since the museum was so kind as to put a path of platforms (i.e. the pinatas) that ran from curtain to window Sly felt obligated to climb up the rope and use them. Plus from here he could give Carmelita more reason to keep a eye the ferret, hence the spotlight. Moving over to the window, he blew the Inspector a kiss and jumped out to the van before his improvements to the song kicked in.

"There's a tugboat, huh, huh, down by the river dontcha know Where a cement bag just a'drooppin' on down Oh, that cement is just, it's there for the weight, dear Five'll get ya ten old Macky back in town Now d'ja hear 'bout that guy Clockwork? He disappeared, babe After drawin' out all his hard-earned cash And now the theft spends just like a sailor Could it be our boy's done somethin' rash?"

'You didn't just say what I thought you said.' Carmelita's ears pricked up, a worried look on her face.

"Now Mister Muggshot, ho, ho, yeah, Miss Ruby Ooh, Miss Carmelita and old Sir Raleigh Oh, the line forms on the right, babe Now that Sly is back in town"

"Oh. God. No." Inspector Fox's legs couldn't move quick enough for her as she rushed to check the gems. As she threw the curtain back, the whole room was able to see the shattered case. Then there was pandemonium, officers running left and right, Diplomats just running and screaming for no particular reason. As for the singer... he just kept singing.

"I said Mister Muggshot, whoa, Miss Ruby Look out to Miss Carmelita and old Sir Raleigh Yes, that line forms on the right, babe Now that Sly is back in town..."

"SERGEANT, SHUT THAT MAN UP!" The vixen barked to the officer closest to the singer. She reached into case and pulled out the very familiar blue calling card.

Dearest Carmelita,  
I wish I could have serenaded you personally, but I have a terrible singing voice. I'm better at whispering sweet nothings, perhaps we could give that a try.  
With Love Sly Cooper X X X X X X P.S.  
Ask the old guy not to make it so easy next time :)

"That irratating... DAMN YOU COOPER!" 


	3. The Interpol Incident

"Deadmen Tell No Tales" by Nee Knight

NOTES- Sly Cooper and related characters are property of Sucker Punch. Macavity based on "Cats" the musical by Andrew Lloyd Webber which was based on "Old Possum's Book Of Practical Cats" by T.S. Eliot (So who actally owns it, Nee don't know). Nee's characters are property of Nee. Nee has a yellow tonuge in Gun-Fu.

Ch3 - "The Interpol Incident"

"So he knew nothing?"

"Nothing. He was contacted a week before by some guy who claimed to be working on a movie. They needed a singer for the big heist scene, a singer who'd carry on singing even if pandemonium broke out.", said the officer on the other end of the line.

"Damn!" Carmelita hadn't been having a good day. The debarcle at museum had left her so aggrevated she was put on a plane back to Interpol to calm down. She was not in the right mind to look for clue or question witnesses. After a hour or two on Interpol's firing range, most of the rage had burnt out her system, she was able to co-ordinate the officers still in Argentina. "So Hayes... any hope on I.D.ing the man who hired him?"

"Nah, the only time they actually met the guy was all covered up in a radiation suit."

"A radiation suit? Why the hell was he in a radiation suit?"

"According to our singer, the guy claimed to be germaphobic. Apparently our singer has worked with eccentric directors before and saw nothing wrong with it." Hayes said with a small amount of disbelief.

"I know what he means. The office is full of weirdos today."

"Weirdos?"

"A new idea the chief's trying out. Bounty hunters, like they have in America. It was very near impossible to use the gun range. Lots of ex-army and other gun toting freaks just looking for something to shoot."

"You really don't like anyone doing the job without a badge, do you?"

"It just annoys me. Some officers have to go through so much to get a badge. Bounty hunters just grab a weapon and can start right away. I mean when I was downstairs I saw a young Bengal cat, she couldn't have been more than nineteen..."

"Natasha! Natasha Cinder's there at Interpol! DAMN IT!" Carmelitas' jolted her head away from the phone having not prepared her ears for the sudden rise in volume, as she eased the phone back to her head she caught the tail end of a patterned Hayes' rant, "... and here I am stuck in Argentina!"

"Next time warn me before do that!"

"Oh sorry Inspector, it's... just... her markmenship is unparalleled. She trained under her father, rifle god Richard Cinder, by shooting the wings off flying insects... a mile away." The vixen merely raised a quizzical eyebrow as her colleague continued to rave on about his apparent idol, "She's actually twenty-four, started training when she was three, had her kid when she was seventeen, created the art of Gun-Fu at the age of twenty, her favourite gun's the CZ-75, the same as mine..."

At this point of the conversation, Miss Fox had had enough of Hayes' voice and hung up, knowing it'd be another hour before he noticed. 'We have too many gun toting freaks here alreadly.' She decided to grab something from the canteen before she got back to work, "Yawn", then a nap. She hadn't given herself time to do sleep since the theft.

After locking her officer door, Carmelita walked the corridors of Interpol to the canteen. However as she got closer, her ears picked up the faint sound of music. Given Sly's recent heist, it could be one of two things :

1. Someone had just solved a big case.  
or more likely 2. Some officers were having a laugh at the Cooper Case and her.

'I'd been expecting this since getting off the plane.' Inspector Fox shut her eye and clenched her teeth as she reached the canteen door. 'Just like coming back from Russia. God! The ribbing was endless, somehow they'd all found out that Sly and I kissed... No, no, no. Sly kissed me.' She had convinced herself of that whilst she'd spent two days sitting on top of that volcano, bashing away at her handcuffs with a rock. 'Best just get this over with.'

Much to the dear inspector's relief, when she entered the staff canteen, no one from her department was there. The whole homoncide department as well as the organised crime department seemed to have commandered the huge room for a party, all of whom paid no attention to anything outside their own departments. Well except one, to Carmelita knowledge. Detective Chief Inspector Lindermann, the fourty-something german mongoose at the centre of the party, always kept her eye on one other case. The Cooper case. She was the last person to work on the case before Carmelita. The Cooper case was the very reason she'd tranferred from burgalry to homoncide, as she was the officer in charge when Joseph Cooper, Sly's father, was murdered. She tranferred just because she did't want anyone else finishing her case. This was the same reason why Carmelita would never give up on trying to catch Sly.

Carmelita's stomach was desperately trying to remind the vixen about why she was here, however her quizzical mind overruled it. She made her way over to Lindermann.

"Hello D.C.I. Lindermann."

"Vell, vell, vell..." Lindermann turned to face the current Cooper cop, "If it izn't da most photographed officer in Interpol. How'z du Carmelita?"

"As vell... I mean as well as can be expected."

"Ja, I heard about dat. I'm just glad da vorst I got from a Cooper vas a thick coating ov jam."

"Jam?"

"Ja. I'll tell du 'bout it later, vhen I got more ov dis in me." The D.C.I. indicated to the glass of beer in her hand.

"What all this for anyway?"

"Nab us a crimelord today."

"If it involved both homoncide and organised crime, must of been a nasty piece of work."

"Chrisopher James Macavity." the mongoose said before taking another swig of beer.

"macavity." Inspector Fox said, but in a wisper.

"Carmelita, are du alright?" D.C.I. Lindermann was getting worried now. A minute or two had passed since she'd informed Inspector Fox of Macavity capture and the vixen had just spaced. In the case of some officers this was the norm but not Carmelita.

Remember she wasn't a six year old, sobbing in her bedroom, Miss Fox brought herself back to reality.

"Where is he?" She said in a tone a bit more forceful than one would normally use on a friend, mentor, and above all, a senior officer.

"Who? Macavity?" Said the mongoose taken back a little by the fox's behaviour.

"Yes. Where is he?"

"Cell Seventeen, behind da gun range. Vhy?" The D.C.I. didn't get an answer, Carmelita was already out the canteen door. "Inspector Fox?"

The fox in question was pushing and shoving her way past officers unfortunate enough to be in her way. The cell behind the gun range were a good fifteen minutes away from the canteen... Carmelita made it five. Behind the gun range was the place where Interpol put the worst of the worst. Althought no bullets could penetrate the thick wall, the constant sound of bullets hitting the steel the other side was an irritant. It was where Inspector Fox herself had housed the Fiendish Five, now it was home to him. She knew her personal involvment in the Macavity case meant she was not allowed to be in the same area as him, but if this was who she thought it was, that meant nothing. She approached the gekco on guard duty and after a few harsh words she had the keys to his cell. All the other cells there had been emptied of the residents in the wake of CJM's arrest. The guy had the world's best thugs working for him and was a level nine security risk so for the safety of the other prisoners he had to kept in isolation.

"...thiz iz an outrage, a travesty of justice." A loud french accent rang through out the cellblock, althought it sounded more like a very poor impression of a french accent. "I demand to zee your pzychiatrist. Let him ztudy me, he'll zay I can't possibly commit a crime..." The shouting stopped as the tall ginger tom which was Macavity, turned to see the very elegant vixen watching him through the iron bars. "... except, that iz of courze, a crime of pazzion, if that iz the caze... I plead Guilty! Guilty! For three hourz zolid Guilty." The female fox still just watched, Macavity however threw himself to the bars panting. "Zlap thoze handcuffz on me gorgeous, becauze I'm arrezting at the zhight of you."

"So... your Chrisopher James Macavity?" Carmelita started, ignoring what the prisoner had just said. She was on a mission, her voice devoid of feeling.

"That'z what it zayz on my birth cerfiftect, zweetnezz."

"Not what I expected." Carmelita unlocked the cell door and entered locking it behind her.

"Why not?" The french tom sounded offended.

"The gekco down there said 'don't go in his cell, he's crazy'. You know what I said to that?" Miss Fox stepped closer to the suspect.

"Crazy Guyz turn you on?"

"Hehehe. Nooooo, I said..." Before the tom knew what was going on, he was face down on the cell floor underneath a angry fox who was pushing his face into the floor. "I can get a little crazy too!"

"Hey! What do you think your doing?"

"Getting answers! Now tell me, Where's Macavity!"

"You are crazy! I am Macavity!"

"BULL!" Carmelita grabbed the tom's arm and wrenched it up the tom's back. "I know for a fact Macavity looks nothing like his file says. You do and he got you to say you're him."

"Who told you that?" The prisoner's face was a mask of pain, but also fear. The Inspector however had a face of pure rage.

"My father! Before Macavity killed him!"

Before anyone could say anything else, a loud whistle breached the air. When the vixen covered her ears, the man calling himself Chrisopher James Macavity pushed her off him and rolled under his bunk, just as the wall which seperated the cells from the gun range exploded.

Bricks flew everywhere. Poor Carmelita, having taken the full focus of the explosion, was thrown into the iron bars and pelted with rubble. As Miss Fox blacked out she was able to make out a voice, the same one she'd hear all those years ago.

"HENRI! Chris sent me ta come get ya!"

"What about her?"

"What about her? She's just a cop!"

Darkness. 


	4. French Fried

"Deadmen Tell No Tales" by Nee Knight 

NOTES- Sly Cooper and related characters are property of Sucker Punch. Macavity's based on a character own by Andrew Lloyd Webber and/or T.S. Eliot. Nee's characters are property of Nee. This was gonna be the longest chapter yet. Nee felt Nee had to cut it so as not to overload Nee's mind when Nee reread it. That what Nee get's for ruining a great city.

Also Nee would just like to make a shout out to all the great peeples who have reviewed Nee's story thus far. Thanks to Phantom of Les Miserables, AngelLadyG, Red Squirrel Writer and lala-ness. Your kind words make Nee smile a lot.

Ch4 - French Fried

The city of Paris was a blaze with noise and flame. The attack on Interpol had not been the only explosion of the evening. Dozens of bombs were going off all over the city, however all the follow explosions were not causing any real damage. They seemed to cause a lot more confusion than , the sort of confusion someone could disappear in.

Sly, Bentley and Murray had just stepped off the plane from Argentina, when the first bomb at Interpol went off. At first Murray had thought it was an earthquake but a quick talk from Bentley about the basics of tectonic plates put those fears to rest and sparked new ones. Knowing the racoon's face was well known to airport security, Bentley suggested they should get back to the hideout first, then find out what's going on.

The hippo and the turtle went to retrieve the van, which was on the cargo plane landing in ten minutes. The ever impulsive Sly took off on his own. A few years ago, when the gang had first touched down in France and found a good hideout, Sly had timed the run to and from the airport in case the gang ever had to escape without the van. With his friends it was a good forty five to an hour flat out, without them... it was twenty without breaking a sweat. Sly could cut across rooftops, slide on the powerlines and ghost through just about any of things in his way. By the time Bentley and Murray got back home, Cooper would have showered, eaten and found out what's happened to his city. 'No,No,No.' Sly reminded himself Paris wasn't his own private city, 'It's my playground!'

Of course, for Sly, life never ran smooth and the path home was no expection. When the crown prince of thieves reached the first rooftop, a few buildings away from the airport, he saw first-hand the cause of the shaking. His home! His playground was under attack! He didn't know how to react, he knew he should return to the hideout without delay, but there were innocent people who needed help...

"Come on Cooper! The Thievius Raccoonus told you there would be moments like this. It's just like Jolly Jack Cooper said, "If I wanted to save people, I wouldn't have become a pirate". The young thief sighed. His ears picked up the faint sound of someone screaming a street or two away. "Jolly Jack always was a jerk."

Police, fire and ambulance vehicles were heading every which way, so the small blue van went unnoticed as the two other members of the gang made their way home. As they navigated the still flaming streets, their concern for their friend grew. Normally when Sly went on ahead, he'd give them a call when he reach his destinationplayfully taunt his "slowpoke" gang, but on a night like this when they needed the van's phone to ring, nothing.

"Shouldn't we stop to help these civilians?"

"No, 'The Murray'. Sly told he meet us at HQ number seven, and that's where we going."

"A good soldier knows how to obey orders. A great soldier knows when to disobey them." The small shelled man just sat, staring at his normally less-than-brainy pal open-mouthed. "What? The Murray read it in one of his comic books."

"Errr... Yes. Yes, that's a true statement... But if Sly's gets home and we don't show, he'll worry like we are now. So if we get back and he's not there, we'll go and help."

"And if he's there?"

"You know Sly as well as I do. We'll all go and help."

"So we're going home, just to go out again."

"Just drive, 'The Murray'." Bentley was tired. No sleep on the plane, worrying about his friend and the city and to top it off Murray hadn't stopped with his superhero talk yet.

For the rest of the drive no one spoke. Both so lost in thought, the HQ at the train tracks seemed to appear in no time. It wasn't their biggest hideout, but it was their favourite and their first, despite being called number seven. Not bothering to hide the van, they just hopped out and unlocked the first carriage. All that greeted the pair was the stale air that occupied any home that was left for a week. As they turned to get back into the van, the master thief they'd spent childhood with was walking through the train compound's gate. His clothes covered in soot, some items of which were still smouldering and his legs wobbling. Murray ran over and was able to catch the racoon as his body finally rested.

A few energy drinks later, Sly was almost back to normal, Bentley was muttering (something about how it should take more than Poweraid to recover from mass exhaustion) and Murray was searching the news channels to see what terrorist group was causing this chaos.

"What a world we live in." Sly said tossing the eighth bottle of Poweraid in the bin.

"It wasn't terrorists." Both Murray and Cooper turned to the turtle, who was staring a hole thought his computer screen.

"Say what?"

"It wasn't terrorists. It was a distraction for a jail break."

"How'd you know that?"

"According this site, same thing happend ten years ago in Moscow when a young arms dealer called Iain Legend was arrested. Lots of noise and fire but little structural damage..."

"Little structural damage?"

"When you went in that building to save that girl, there was a lot of fire, yes?"

"Yeah." Cooper answered as if to add a 'so what'.

"But all the walls and floor stayed intact?"

"Yes."

"There's your little structural damage. They probably use a cheap Five-Ten fire bomb, designed to scare and scar, not kill. Probably the reason you're still with us."

"Okay, I get that, but what's the connection between Moscow and here?"

"Iain Legend belonged to a crime organisation known as DeadMan Inc. The same group run by Christopher James Macavity who records show was arrested by Interpol early today." Bentley didn't want to tell his racoon friend the next part. "In both incidents the criminals escaped in the mayhem and errr... hurt quite a few officers during the actual breakouts."

"It tell you who on the website?" Sly's feelings for one particular cop were well known by the three pals, as it was very often the conversation topic in the train yard.

"Only for Moscow I'm afraid. Don't worry, Sly. She'll still be in Buenos Aires cleaning up the mess there." The shelled one blinked and when he opened his eyes less than a second later, Cooper was on the other side of the hideout dialling the phone. "Sly what are you doing?"

"Making sure."

"They're not going to give out Inspector Fox's info to just anyone, Sly..." He was silenced when Sly started talking in broken English with a good Spanish accent.

"I. Mr. Fernando. Carmelita Fox's Uncle. No speak France, Can speak Spanish an' english. Thank you. Heard what. Happening. How Carmelita is?"

"This'll never work." Turning away from the impulsve racoon, Bentley started to think about what to do next.'Why did he know Carmelita's mother's maiden name?'

"Broussais Hospital." Sly slammed down the phone and made his way to the door.

"That worked! Wait! Sly where are you going?"

"Where do you think?" The normally calm and cool Cooper snapped at his friend. "Sorry, Bent."

"We know. You have feelings for Inspector Fox, mixed-up feelings sure but..."

"Whoa, stop right there. I've never said I had feelings for her. I... just... don't like anyone messing with my cop... I'm the one who does the messing." The Sly the genius knew and grew up with, was back in command and covering his true feelings, very badly.

"So you'll be wanting a lift to The Great Pretender Theatre, then?"

"Where?"

"The Great Pretender Theatre is where the man who Interpol thinks is Macavity is holed up."

"The man Interpol think... You gonna have to run that by me again."

"This is the tom who occupied a Interpol cell under the name Christopher James Macavity." The turtle span his computer monitor round so his fellow gang member could get a look at cellcam footage from the Interpol mainframe. Half a dozen clicks of the keyboard later and a portfolio shot of the same man appeared on screen. "And this is Henri Everett, little known French actor and owner of said theatre. He biggest part was a extra in the flop movie The Haunted Legion. A movie so bad, it made Plan 9 From Outer Space look good"

"Then what's Macavity's tie to a bad actor?"

"That's what you're going to find out, 'cause the only one who'd green light a breakout like this would be the big boss man himself. Murray!"

"That's 'THE Murray'." A voice called out from the other side of the big guy's seat.

"Okay, 'THE Murray', how's the state of the city?"

"All is well, civilian. The news says local authorities have everything under control, all the fires are out, the public are being cared for by the doctors and all law enforcement are gathered in front of a small theatre."

"Oh dear." Bentley sighed, 'Give him another reason to go there why don't cha, Murray.'

"Then what are we waiting for? Let's get down there." A challenge would like that have been taken up even if Sly didn't have a vested interest in the target...


	5. The Great Pretender

"Deadmen Tell No Tales" by Nee Knight 

NOTES- Sly Cooper and related characters are property of Sucker Punch. Macavity's based on a character own by Andrew Lloyd Webber and/or T.S. Eliot. Nee's characters are property of Nee. The Great Pretender by Queen (What a great band). Here's part 2 of the previous chapter.

Oh lookit, more peeples have reviewed Nee's writings. Thanks go's out to Noalyn, Purple Carnation and AngelLadyG. Hopefully more will join your names next chapter.

Ch5 - The Great Pretender

It took all of ten minutes to get to a small alley one or two rooftops from the theatre, as Sly and the gang wished to stay out of the sight of the police surrounding the building. After getting the layout off Bentley's computer and coming up with a plan of attack, Sly was out the van and up to the rooftop.

'Just a simple break in,' Sly ran through the plan as he carried it out with his eyes shut. 'Hop three roofs, slide on the phone line above the police for seventeen seconds, cane to the theatre sign and drop in through the hole in the ceiling to the foyer.' Sly opened his eyes when he landed. All around him was tired, old red and gold fitting of the once majestic Great Pretender Theatre. 'This is so easy, someone with a joypad could do it.'

"'Sitting Duck', do you read me?"

"Sure 'Wizard', I read ya." Sly pulled the benoc-u-com from it's place on his belt to reply. 'I still think using codenames is stupid.'

"Do you see your host anywhere?"

"Nope. I'll have to look around. Say Ben... 'Wizard', why haven't the police stormed the place yet?" Sly said as he grab a Drifter bar from the concession stand in front of him. "I mean why just surround the place?"

"One moment I'll check." As Bentley fingers tapped away at the keyboard, the thief looked around some more at the foyer. The doors of the main entrance had been boarded up for years from the look of them, the posters on the walls were tatty and yellow with age and much to Sly's horror, the food from the concession stand was of the same vintage. "SLY! SLY!"

"What happened to 'Sitting Duck'?" The thief would have followed that train of thought if it weren't for the turtle's response.

"Sly just get out of there! The police aren't advancing because they received a report saying there's a whole audience hostage in there!"

"Bent, this place ain't been a theatre for years. Which ways the auditorium?"

"Up the stairs to the right. But I strongly suggest you think about this before..." Sly put the benoc-u-com away before starting up the stairs.

There had be some traps on the staircase, like the fall away steps, some with tar on, followed by some with nails on. 'Guess who's watched Home Alone.' These traps were all useless against someone who can simply run along the thin stair-rail. The peeling wooden doors at the end of the stairway creaked as Cooper pushed them opened a crack to check for the so-called hostages. As Sly had suspected there was no audience, this Henri guy had lied so well to the cops outside, he even convinced the ever-sceptical Bentley. Had the city not been burnt for him, Sly would have applauded Henri, but it had, so no chances of that. With no one else to worry about Sly hopped into the vased auditorium.

Like much of the theatre, the large room was old, dated and ragged. The seats were stained by drinks long since drunk, the giant curtain on stage was moth-eaten and parts of the floor had dust a inch thick. Expect for a corner of the room which had actually been cleared of dirt, grime and... chairs?

"What the heck?" Sly walk over a row of seats to the far corner where the theatre seats had been removed and a bed had been put in their place. The bed had various bits of medical equipment surrounding it and it's occupant. A very, very old lady laid there. The elderly tom was asleep in a oxygen mask with eight different tubes stuck in her.

"Too real iz this feeling of make believe,  
Too real when I feel want my heart can't conzeal,"

'Great. You try to do something original and by the next day there are already imitators.' Sly turned to see the stage curtain raising to reveal the younger ginger tom from the cellcam footage, sitting on a stool, facing the ground. Although Sly thought this song was a mere rip off of his heist, he decided to humour the performer and listen.

"Oh, oh, yes, I'm the Great Pretender,  
Just laughing and gay like a clown,  
I zeem to be what I'm not you zee,  
I'm wearing my heart like a crown,  
Pretending that you're ztill around." Henri looked straight past the thief to the old woman, smiled softly and turned to Sly. "It iz her favourite zong, and one ,which unfortunately, mirrorz my life. Wee, Queen iz truly the only good thing to come out of England. Zo what'z your name officer?"

"I'm Sly Cooper and I'm not a cop."

"You're not? Then may I azk what you're doing in my home?"

"There are hundreds of people now in hospital because of you and your gang."

"Oh... zo you're here for what?... Revenge for your home? Friendz? Loved one?"

"Yes."

"Which?"

"My Home. The whole of Paris is my home." He had wanted to say Carmelita, but it was at that point it hit him. He didn't know what his feelings were for the Inspector, was she friend or... other. Did he actually...

"Well that plot has hack-writer written all over it." The tom response reminded Sly there was work to be done. "The villain hurtz the city, the hero appearz from no where to level justice with his own hand and the villain getz his azz handed to him no zweat. Hollwood would love it, but here..." The villain of the piece then whipped out a remote, leapt in to the air, twenty-two feet in to air and landing on a old dusty chandelier. "...you have to zuffer for your art."

'How the hell did he do that?' Sly didn't ponder the answer for long. The light emitted by one of the four chandeliers suspended in the room became caught on something heading for Sly's neck, fast!

SWISH

Sly looked up to see the razor-wire carry on it's path. He thanked all the gods he could think of for the Cooper Blood he had in his veins, anyone else would not have been fast enough to dodge razor-wire travelling atthat speed. Still below seat level, he looked up at the joker on the chandelier laughing his head off.

"So Macavity, Henri, whatever your name is, is that the only way you stop the audience leaving during the performance?" That stopped the laughter. "I mean I heard you're a bad actor but this is ridiculous." That started other pieces of wire. 'Cooper, You've GOT to learne to quit when you're ahead.'

Now there were a hundred pieces of that deadly wire whizzing around the room in all directions. Their wall mounts, now clearly visible, started just above the old woman's bed and continued up to the bottom of the chandeliers. The only way to reach the figure near the ceiling, had just became a tangled web of death... Sly smiled. Up till now, the whole theatre experience had been boring.

After studying the paths of the wires for a few moments, Sly lifted his cane above his head and caught one of the fast moving threads. He wrapped his body around the tough wooden part of his cane, not wanting to catch an part of himself in the passing wires. Five jumps later and Sly hooked a wire that took him within jumping distant of a chandelier. As he jumped up on to the top of the chandelier, his prey leapt to one on the other side of the room. 'He's wearing a harness. That fake! And here's me thinking he jumped that twenty-two feet all by himself.'

"I zee you're quite good at wire work, Monsieur Cooper. Let'z zee how good you are at the prat fall."

"I don't like the sound of that." A second later the chandelier Sly was on fell to the floor. Sly however had been able to jump to the one next to him. As did the guy in the harness.

"Your timing waz way off, Zly. I'm afried we've just got to do that zcene again."

"I can't believe I'm the one saying this, but could you cool it with the puns!"

"Hmmm... No." The crazed actor once again worked the remote and sent a second chandelier crashing to the ground, snapping all the wire below it. The thief only just made the jump to next platform and the tom who occupied it. Scared that he only had two chandeliers left, the villain jumped the short distant to the final one and activated a set of security bars that surrounded him and his last chandelier. Cooper would have been able to reach his prey before the bars came down if he hadn't looked down and seen what was below him.

'The Old Woman!' Sly was still. If this one was released, it would kill the bed-stricken woman, no matter how much medical equipment surrounded her.

"WAIT!"

"Zorry, my friend, but its time to leave you on the cutting room floor." Before Sly had a chance to stop him, the tom sent the weighty object hurtling towards the ground.

"Crap!" Sly knew there was a way he could save himself and the old girl, he also knew it would hurt like hell. He'd have to combine the slow-motion move and the fast time move that his ancestors had come up with. Focusing the slow-mo on the rest of the world, whilst keeping a fast time focused on himself. The racoon had tried this once before... out of curiosity... he wasn't curious for long. Running through the still air particals felt like being sandblasted and although it left little physical damage, the pain was very extensive. But he had to do it.

Cooper jumped from the falling chandelier and started the combined techniques. Almost instantly the young thief passed the over-sized Christmas bauble and landed on the ground with a thud.

'Next. Time. Cooper. Get. Closer. To. Ground. Before. Jumping.' Thought Sly biting through his pain. He ran to the elderly tom, pick her up with the utmost care and walked as slow as he could in his "Fast timed" state away from the chandelier. 'Got. To. Be. Careful. She. Might. Not. Be. Up. To. The. Pain. Of. Passing. Particals.'

CRASH!

"I... did it." The young tom just stood there. He'd seen the crystal chandelier fall and create the huge dust cloud that now obscured the ground. "I did it, Kofi zaid I didn't have it me. And I did it. I can't wait to zee that giant jackazz'z face when he zee I proved him wrong." He then launching into movie-villian maniacal laughter until the dust cleared and he saw where his last hanging death trap had landed. "MAMA!"

"Don't... don't worry I got 'er." On the stage was a very out of breath racoon kneeling next to the old woman. "Got... to far into character hmmm."

"You zaved my mama... Why, when I juzt tried to kill you?"

"Because."

"Thank you Zly Cooper." The final chandelier desended to the ground slowly. When he reached the floor, the young ginger tom got rid of his cage and walked up to his mother.

"I did it... for her. Too many have already been hurt because... of you tonight."

"Wee... it waz not my idea. The actor iz juzt the director'z tool."

"So you're not really... Macavity, I take it?"

"Non. I'm only me. Poor weak Henri."

"Then why the whole theatre death trap?"

"I'm paid to zay I am Macavity. I play all my partz to the hilt." Henri looked to his mother. "I'm the fifth Everett to play the role. It'z a family tradition. When the malez in my line reach nineteen Macavity gets us to 'be him'. Zo I get zhot at, arrezted and the rezt of the hazardz that come with being a crimelord and he get'z to walk the ztreetz az no one knowz what he really lookz like."

"Why do all that?"

"You azk alot of questions, don't you? The fame and money I guezz. Az Macavity everyone knowz your name and mama'z health care iz very coztly... I'm zorry for what he did to your home."

"Don't worry. It's his doing, not yours. He'll pay for it."

"Zhame I won't be here. I would have liked to have zeen that."

"Why? Where are you going?"

"When the police finally break down those doors, which they will and arrezt me for the second time, that when I face my final curtain. Macavity has a rule, The Deadmen Tell No Talez rule. You're arrezted once, its because the copz got lucky, you get caught twice and you could be being caught on purpoze..."

"On purpose? You mean so they have a reason to meet with the police..."

"And exchange information? Wee, that iz what I mean. You zee, Macavity didn't get where he iz today by being zloppy. The zecond time, you don't get zprung, you get... typecast as a deadman."

"Why don't you make a break for it?"

"I can't leave my mama." Henri reached into his pocket and produced some pills. "Itz time for her medication."

"But if you stay, the police will take you away from her." Sly watched as a worried son took care of his ill mother, it reminded him of the hours after the five had attacked his own father. Something else was similar...

"Then they do zo against my will, I will never leave her willingly. And that thought will keep me warm even when 'zhe' comes for me." Tears started rolling down Henri's cheeks. The old woman had stopped breathing. She hadn't drawn breath since Sly took her from the bed. This guy was trying to care for a dead body, that's what was similar. In the hours before the police came, Sly had tried to care for his dead father, even given the old man some pills like Henri had tried to do for his mother.. The tears still flowing Henri managed a smile. "Zhhhh... Zhe rezting."

"No. No she's not, man. She's gone." Sly remembered those same words being used on him. "I'm so sorry..."

"Don't be. Zhe'd been like thiz for yearz. Doctorz alwayz zaid zhe waz dead, it waz only thoze ztupid machinez..." Herni pointed to the now crushed medical equipment under Henri's last attempt to kill Sly, "...that kept her alive. I guezz I truly am ze great pretender..."

"Come on, there's nothing left for you here." Sly said, partly feeling glad he had not been the thing that killed her and partly feeling guilty for feeling glad at a time like this. He also knew the answer he'd get.

"I will never leave her willingly."

'Yep the same answer.'"Then I'll leave you two here." Sly remembered the hatred he'd felt and still felt towards the men who forced him to leave his father. There was no reason behind the hatred, he just did and he wasn't about to make someone hate him the same way. He turned and walked away.

"Zly." The thief stopped and looked back at the actor. "I may not know where you can find Macavity but... here." Henri tossed Cooper a small gold object.

"Thanks... What is it?"

"I don't know what it iz, but it zhould help you with your zearch for the bozz."

"How?"

"If you have zomething of hiz, he'll find you. Good luck."

And with that the actor turn back to his mother and rocked her in his arms. And the thief went back to the foyer and out in to Paris.

Oh yes I'm the great pretender (ooh ooh)  
Pretending I'm doing well (ooh ooh)  
My need is such I pretend too much  
I'm lonely but no one can tell

"... how's my hair? What's that? We're on? Oh, Hello I'm Scott Crawford of SCES News. Tonight the great city of Paris experienced a level of carnage, the like which this report has never seen. Fires, jailbreaks, all leading up to an attack on a police convoy..."

Oh yes I'm the great pretender (ooh ooh)  
Adrift in a world of my own (ooh ooh)  
I play the game but to my real shame  
You've left me to dream all alone

Too real is this feeling of make believe  
Too real when I feel what my heart can't conceal

"... the convoy was escorting a unnamed prisoner back to Interpol when it came under attack from a mysterious sniper. The assassin shot the driver of the prison transport van through the windscreen and caused the vechical to crash, killing everyone aboard..."

Ooh Ooh yes I'm the great pretender (ooh ooh)  
Just laughing and gay like a clown (ooh ooh)  
I seem to be what I'm not (you see)  
I'm wearing my heart like a crown  
Pretending that you're still around

Yeah ooh hoo  
Too real when I feel what my heart can't conceal

"Althought the police are yet to comment on the matter, all these horrors are believed to be connected and down to one organised crime-ring. Once again for those who have just joined us, a sniper has just killed four police officers and a prisoner. Our hearts go out to their families. More at eleven... This is award winning stuff, wish I got a story like this everyda... What's that? We're still on? Well turn it off you fu..."

Oh yes I'm the great pretender  
Just laughing and gay like a clown (ooh ooh)  
I seem to be what I'm not you see  
I'm wearing my heart like a crown  
Pretending that you're -  
Pretending that you're still around


	6. Voices From The Past

Deadmen Tell No Tales by Nee Knight 

NOTES- Sly Cooper and related characters are property of Sucker Punch. The name Macavity, A.L. Webber and T.S. Eliot. Nee's characters own by Nee. Nee was going for a little emotion in this chapter, so let Nee know what you think. No Flames please, Nee still recovering from who happened to Nee Bonfire night... Yes Nee said who!

Ask and you shall receive, it seems, as Nee hoped more nice peeples would review and they did. Mad props to AngelLadyG and D3Fan. And here's to many more.

Ch6 - Voices From The Past

"See you later Carme, Daddy's got to go."

"But I don't want you to go Daddy." The little one wrapped her arms around her father's leg.

Officer Nathan Fox Jr. stared down at his daughter. He hated having to leave her. At just six years old she had already had so many members of her family leave, Grandma and Grandpa had left for the great precinct in the sky, Uncle Bobby was now serving eight years and of course Mum had moved back to Spain. If it hadn't been for the fact he had to work, he'd never leave his little Carmelita's side.

"But princess, I got to go to work... Say, how 'bout I set up my second radio by your bed? Hmm? That way you can talk to me and I can talk to you whenever we want, yeah? You'd like that?"

Carmelita rubbed her little eyes, having been on the verge of tears. True, Daddy wouldn't be there in the flat with her... but Daddy would only be a short way away. 'Daddy has come back before. He didn't tell lies. Daddy wasn't like the others. Daddy always comes back.'

The elder fox was still waiting for his young daughter to answer. She released his leg and looked up with the cute smile that only young children can master.

"Okay Daddy."

"It's been a good few hours now. Do you reckon she's asleep yet?" Martin had been asking that ever since they'd entered the patrol car. Nathan just smirked at his cougar partner. Martin's foul mouth was legendary in the force. So after learning a six year old would be listening, he'd been forcing himself to hold his tongue.

"Probably. Its way past her bedtime."

"Ahh, Five more minutes daddy." the radio spoke in a tired voice.

"Now, now, princess. You have school tomorrow and Martin here wants to use bad man words." Nathan had to surpress his laughter, as he talked in to his radio, having seen the cougar mouth 'bad man words'. "So turn off the radio like I showed you and I'll see you in the morning. Goodnight, God bless princess."

"Goodnight, God bless daddy. I love you."

"Love you too, princess."

"You think she's turned it off?"

"You kidding? She won't do What I tell her. She's too much like her mother", the fox said in response to Martin, who was beginning to sound like an 'Are we there yet?' kid. Before they had found out for sure the car radio sparked to life...

"Car Nineteen, Car Nineteen, please respond."

"This is Car Nineteen. Go on control." Martin picked up the handset.

"Can you and Nathe go and check on the guys at pier thirty-eight?"

"Yeah, sure... Why?"

"Just I normally get a call from one of the guards there, to exchange racing tips. But tonight I get nada, so now I've got a gut feeling that's turning into full blown indigestion."

"Normally I'd argue with your gut, but it's been a slow night, so we'll check in on your gambling buddy for ya, control."

"Thanks Martin. Control out."

And with that Nathan made a sharp right and headed for the waterfront. Nathan went to put on the siren.

"Don't bother with the blues and twos, we're only checking something out. Plus I doubt the fishermen there will approve of us scaring all the fish."

"Fishermen? Don't they know nothing lives in those docks?"

"Doesn't stop these guys. It's the closest thing they've got to water."

However as the patrol car got closer to pier thirty-eight there was not a soul to be seen. These streets always had something happening in them, be it a mugging, a young couple trying to get some 'privacy' or just someone walking home from the pub. But on this night... nothing. Even the water in the docks wasn't making a sound, for the only time in living memory the city was dead silent. The two men in the car were starting to get a few gut feelings of their own.

"So... where are these fishermen then?"

"Don't know, don't care. We're only here to check the warehouse on pier thirty-eight." Martin said, trying to not sound nervous.

The car stopped outside the modest-sized warehouse which rested on the pier. Although it dark the graffiti was still visible, it made the place seem less imposing to know "Flem and Burp woz ere".

After trying the door and finding it open, both men drew their pistols and went to investigate. As soon as they stepped through the door, an awful smell rushed up to meet them, Nathan felt like he was going hurl. He knew that smell, it was blood... a lot of it. Martin went one better than Nathe as he stepped back out the doorway to be sick round the corner. When the pale cougar came back wiping his muzzle, they decided to press on in.

"Can we go now, Sssir? The sssmell isss making Iain feel naussseuosss." A small innocent child-like voice came from near the back of the warehouse.

"Quit your belly aching Iain! Macavity already gave you a freakin' gas mask!" Another voice came this time gruffer, harsher.

"Jussst for futher referencesss, Iain brought thisss masssk from home." Iain spoke once more. "And it ssstopsss gasssesss, not the sssmellsss."

"IAIN! KOFI! SHUT UP THE BOTH OF YOU!" One more voice entered the conversation. This one was by far the most commanding of the three. This voice continued with a sigh, "Honestly... you two are worse than children. Smee will be here soon and you know cautious she is, you so much as cut a loud fart she wouldn't be seen for dust. So just keep your big mouths shut."

"Ahh come on Macavity..." The gruff one now known as Kofi started.

"Sooo... that the legendary Christopher James Macavity. Looks nothing like his file photo." Nathan whispered from high above the three. So as not to disturb them he and Martin had climbed up on to the top one of the warehouse's shelves, to gather more information. "Wait till the guys in homicide hear about this."

"Nathe."

"Yeah. What?"

"Isn't Macavity the guy from that kiddy bedtime story? You know like the bogeyman?"

"Yep. Where do you think that story comes from? Mind you, in the story, Macavity's a ginger cat, he's very tall and thin. This guy may be ginger but he ain't no cat." Nathan and Martin continued to watch Macavity conduct his business as did the other two. "That's it. I'm radioing for back up. Control, this is..."

"Sssir!" Iain's head shoot up and started to look around. "Iain'sss picking up a radio frequencccy!"

"Yeah! And I can smell fresh blood!" Kofi join in.

"Probably just more of those blasted fishermen. Kofi, make sure they join their friends." Macavity didn't want to hear this.

"Fissshermen radioing sssomeone called Control?"

"Okay, go and find the cause. I'll try to stall Smee, can't have Kofi draining someone of their blood when she arrives." Macavity said picking up the phone.

"Up there!" Kofi pointed right at them with a hint of fun in his voice.

"St! We've got to get the Fk out of here!" Martin was already scrabbling down the shelves to escape... At the same time Kofi started to push the giant shelves over.

"Hello up there! Chris sent me ta come get ya!" Kofi said as the shelf finally went over.

"Martin!" Nathan could only cling on to the top shelf and watch as his partner was crushed to death by a madman and half a ton of shelving. When Nathan's quick trip to the ground abruptly ended, he was met by a very ticked-off Macavity.

"I have just had to tell a very important, not to mention jumpy business partner, I was having delays due to the police. To which she replied, and I quote..." Macavity choughed and began a very poor impression of an Irish accent. "Ha! If you think I'm falling for that, you must be kiddin boyo. You've been arrested, haven't 'cha! And you're trying to give 'em me in exchange for you, aren't cha? But I'm not gonna fall for it..." He then continued in his real voice, "And she pretty much continued like that. Also now I have to leave pretty sharpish before your backup arrives so..."

"Wait!" Nathan's police mind told him to stall for time, just wait for back up. "If you really are Macavity, why ain't you anything like your police file or the stories say?" It was the first question he thought of, after 'What about my poor princess?', of course.

"Ahh look, Kofi, Iain, I have a fan." Macavity speech was saturated in sarcasm. "Well I know how the police love a good chase. Hell! They even chase after the innocent, like my mother... And being the generous guy I am, I give them someone else to chase. I'd let them chase me instead of actors but I've got a bum knee so... And beside the stories and cop files aren't completely wrong..." The sounds of the police man's screams echoed in the warehouse, "Christopher James Macavity is a depraved cold hearted murderer... But... then again, you just learnt that, didn't you?...Let's get out of here."

"What about him?" Iain enquired.

"What about him? He's just a cop!" Kofi's harsh words was the last one a small disobedient 'princess' heard as her father left her.

"He was also my daddy." Carmelita shut her tearful eyes. When they open once more, she was no longer a six year old in her own room but a full grown woman in a sterile white one with a daylight seeping throught a set of blinds. A hospital ward. 'That's right, there was an explosion and him.' She lie there a few seconds longer after which she removed the oxygen mask over her muzzle and looked around her. To her left she saw one or two of her fellow officers in the beds next to hers, with various injuries from the explosion. When she turned right, she was confronted with a huge bouquet of white and blue roses... The sheer size was overwhelming, no-one she knew could afford a bouquet of roses this size. She reached in to the flowers and pulled out a card of matching colours.

My dear Carmelita, Please get well soon.

P.S. The flowers were paid in full.

Even thought there was no signature on the card, experience and the colour scheme told Miss Fox who had sent the flowers. After all he'd stolen, he could afford a bouquet like this with folding money.

"Damn you Cooper." She said softly with a smile.


	7. Cafe Smasha Part1

**Deadmen Tell No Tales** by Nee Knight 

**NOTES**- Sly Cooper and related characters are property of Sucker Punch. The Macavity name is Andrew Lloyd-Webber and/or T.S. Eliot. "Can't keep it down" is from Fame and belongs to who own it. Yes Nee's a fan of musicals, they're fun. Nee's characters are property of Little Nee Knight. Another chappie so long it was cut into two.

Only one reviewer this time.Sly'sCarmelita22 - Nee's glad love Nee's story.  
Chapter six was hard to write as it was the first time Nee tried to put real heart in to a scene. It actually started life in chapter three but had to be cut and moved to number six, so Nee took some of the thing Nee learnt from that and put them in chapter five.Also Nee had to mask what most of the characters looked like so Macavity could have this big "This is the real face of Macavity" moment later (Or maybe Nee will make Macavity like Dr Claw and never show his real face). Masking characters is harder then it should be.  
Nee's still waiting for your story.

**Ch7 - Cafe Smash-a - Part1**

_"...Comes over to me,  
And she kisses my cheek and I lower my eyes,  
I can hardly believe what I see!_

_'Cause I'm lookin' down the front of her gown,  
And I can't, no, I can't  
I can't keep it down!_

_I can't keep it down when that girl's around  
I can't keep it under my control  
I can't k-k-keep it down, no, no I can't!  
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna rock and roll!"_

'If I ever do a musical heist again. I'll have to get Bentley to do something with this song' Sly had been in the music shop for the last ten minuites. Joe Vetty's was the only music shop in Paris that Sly knew stocked a lot of English CDs, he could understand French fine but preferred songs in the tongue of the good old USA. 'Carmelita would do her nut.' The thought of irking the Inspector in such a way caused the 'coon to laugh out loud. But that was quickly silenced by the memory of how the lovely Miss Fox looked in the hospital.

"She looked so weak..."

Beep, Beep, Beep.

Being out, looking around shops, Sly had opted for a cell phone rather then his benoc-u-com. Getting out a pair of goggles to take a call gets you noticed in a crowded shopping precinct, and Sly had worked too hard on this disguise to let that happen. After all it was so good he'd managed to walk into a hospital filled with cops and not get arrested for the last few days.

"Hi Bentley, what's..."

"Sitting Duck! What do you think your doing? We won't risk you getting picked up by cops just so you can do shopping!"

"Bentley, will you quit with the lame codenames? When you join me out in the field then we'll use codenames." 'Yeah right like he's ever gonna leave the van.' "Wait a sec, How'd you know I was shopping? Doing you have me microchipped or something?"

"... You know I do..." The green genius replied in a monotone voice. "But it a good thing I did, otherwise I wouldn't know about your little trips to the hospital. I thought you said you didn't have feelings for her."

"Yeah I know I said that... but I think somewhere down the line the flirting became has become someting else, man. Last week Henri asked me why I was there. Revenge for my home, friends or loved one. And I wanted to say Carmelita, but I realised, I didn't know how I classed her. Friend or loved one. It's all very confusing. Bentley, what do you think?"

"Bentley, you still there?"

"Fine. Its fine, the fact that you're in love with our mortal enermy is great! Woopdee flipping dooda Great!... Sly do you realise that you have just put everything, ev-ery-thing we've ever worked for at risk, just by uttering those words? No, no you don't. You don't even care, do you?"

"HEY! That's completely out of order, Bentley! You know I care about all the hard work you AND Murray put in. I listen to you... Okay, not all the time, but most of the time I listen and comply with your plans and safety measures. Go to the bathroom!"

"What?"

"Just go." Sly waited a few moments for the turtle to go and fulfill his mini quest. "Well, what did you see?"

"Nothing, just a couple of old bottles."

"Exactly! Those old bottles are this week's disguise. They were full of red fur dye forty-seven. To the untrained eye I'm Carmelita's FOX uncle Fernando." And indeed the world famous thief looked like an elderly fox in a long beige trench coat, -with matching suit. Sly had only dyed the part that showed and his tail so there'd be less to wash out. Anyone looking real close at him would see where the red fur stopped and the grey fur started such as on his neck. "And as for how I feel about Carmelita, you should know nothing will even happen. One, I just said I didn't know how I feel and Two, you really think she'll let something happen?" The last past of Sly speech was the rhetorical question that had kept the thief awake the last few days.

"... I so sorry Sly. I just worry, you know that."

"I know. Hey, why don't you and Murray come down here? I'll need a lift back anyway."

"Okay Sitting Duck, we'll be there shortly."

"Great, and stop with this Sitting Duck stuff please. See ya."

Putting his cell phone away Sly continued to browse the shelves until he found what he'd come in for, a Queen CD. Henri's mention of them had sparked a interest, and Sly just wanted to see what was all the fuss was about. As he made his way towards the cashier he spied two young girlies stuffing CDs into their bags.

'Ahh, for the days when I was not above petty shoplifting. Sure it wasn't as challenging as today's heist but they were funnier then paying full price. Whoops! Well, hehe, it is if you don't caught... Shut up Cooper. You're starting to sound like a old man.'

After pay for his purchases, the racoon left the store and walked to the small little cafe down the road to wait for his friends. But he was not the only one to be moving in that direction.

High above the shopping precinct, two figures prowled the roof tops. One had his eyes locked on Cooper, the other was more concerned with what was in her bag.

"He's stopped at the cafe. I thought you said he was a 'coon."

"He is!" The female looked over the ledge at their target. "Hmm... Red dye forty-seven or orange number six. Besides what's it matter to you? Meat's meat."

"Yeah it is, but foxes have a tendency to bite."

"Does it really matter? Is the big, bad Kofi scared?"

"Noooo... I have a tendency to bite back." A small smile appeard on Kofi's face. "Hmm, looks like he's built for speed..."

"A nine point six to your seven point four... Okay here's the plan..."

"Ohh no, you don't! Being Chris' flavour of the month DOES NOT give you seniority over ME." Kofi turned to the woman on his left, glaring daggers through his pitch black sunglasses. No one but Macavity told him what to do. "He and I have been doing this sort of thing since before you were born, sweetness. So you listen to me and my plan."

"I AM NOT JUST HIS FLAVOUR OF THE MONTH!" The insulted female spoked with the vemon of death adder. It seemed she wouldn't be told what to do ever. "I'm his wife and the mother of his child."

"Don't make you number two in this gang, just makes you..."

"KOFI! Think before you say your next words." A third figure approch the pair. "Tell me... are all cats like you two or just the ones I meet?"

"Chrissy." The woman's spirits lifted the instant she heard Macavity's voice. A second later she had her arms around him. "I thought you were in Germany tonight."

"Highlander One needed to refuel, my little DarkFire. It's at Iain's. And I thought I'd come see my favourite assasin work her magic." The crime boss retured the embrace.

"First off Chris, there's nothing wrong with cats, just her. And second, get a room! I'm about ta be sick."

"Come now Kofi, you were ten times worse with Leanna. If memory serves, you even gave up killing." Macavity smirked. "Now, listen to DarkFire's plan. She didn't let Henri escape her." He said raising a eyebrow toward his old friend, whilst the lady around his chest poked her tongue out.

"You put that away." The hired thug growled, then turned his attention back to his boss and pal. "And you, I told you, the guy wouldn't stop goin' on 'bout his mum. What was I supposed to do?"

"Your job!.. Now you are going to hear my wife's plan and you're going to follow it!"

Before the two could launch into another agrument, DarkFire started to rattle off her plan, knowing there was a good chance their prey would have moved on by the time her colleagues finished 'discussing' their feelings.

"Look, all we have to do is cut off his escape options. Kofi, you go down there and do what you do and I'll snipe the ground around him if he tries to make a break for it. I know what you're thinking, don't worry I won't shoot him." It was the gunwoman's turn to smirk. "Any damage done to him, you have full bragging rights to." The reaction she got had been the one she'd expected. "See, I knew you'd like it. Now if you start down the stairs, it should take you ten minutes to get down to ground level, should the target move I'll start to corral him in with supressing fire."

"Who said anything 'bout taking the stairs?" Kofi said as the crazed thug leapt off the top of the building.

"IDIOT!" Panicked by the unexpected move, the sniper ran to the edge and what she saw was not a nasty mess but Kofi landing in a crouch, standing up and walking towards Cooper.

"You have to learn, DarkFire, Kofi isn't like regular folk."


	8. Cafe Smasha Part2

**Deadmen Tell No Tales** by Nee Knight 

**NOTES**- Sly Cooper and related characters are property of Sucker Punch. The Macavity name is Andrew Lloyd Webber and/or T.S. Eliot. Nee's Characters are property of guess who? Nee's just drunk runny pizza and legal stuff makes Nee's stomach act up at the best of times... Whoa queasy...

And there's a review at the eleventh hour.  
Lava Wolf Cooper - Nee was wondering when Nee would hear from you ;P Now if Nee has hinted that DarkFire and Ms Cinder are one and same, let Nee apologise. Althought Ms Cinder has yet to be fleshed out, she is merely the object of Officer Hays' affections... Glad you like 'Deadmen'. And as for your request, Nee will update soon... What do you mean Nee's updating now?... Ohhhh Now Nee feels silly.

And now, just because Nee knows how much Scott loves the word, Here **CHAPPIE** 8... Sorry Scott, Nee's only kiddin' man.

**Ch8 - Cafe Smash-a - Part2**

Whilst all this had been going on, the racoon who looked like a fox had taken a seat (no, not literally) at the cafe, placed his order and began to read the paper he'd taken off a customer (yes, literally) who was abusing one of the poor waitresses, as well as his wallet, car keys and house keys. He continued to do that until a very large muscular panther in a long leather trenchcoat and combats, came over and got in the way of the sun Sly was using to read. Sly had watched this guy arguing with a woman (and a third party Cooper couldn't make out) on the roof opposite the cafe, and watched him jumping off the roof and push some poor young horse into the side of a car for no reason, before making his way to his table.

"You Cooper?"

'Well he knows your name... Watch yourself, Sly, this guy must be seven five, seven three at least and built like a house.' "I'm sorry, man. I don't do impressions."

"Neither do I." The panther leaned over and got right into the face of the fox/racoon. "I leave them." And with that the thug punched the thief clear out of his seat.

Landing rather uncomfortably on another table, being used by two women, Sly cursed himself for leaving himself wide open. As Sly got up, he watched the guy who just attacked him kiss the collection of dogtags which hung round his neck and crack his knuckles as if it were the baddest thing ever.

"Let me guess, you're either Macavity or someone who works for him."

"Very clever. And do you know WHY Chris dragged me back to this dump you call a city?"

"Because he thinks you need to take in some of the culture?" The thief smirked. When the thug started to look confused, Sly knew sarcasm "Because I have something of his?"

"Ohh you are a sharp one, ain't cha? Now give it to me or..." Kofi once again cracked his knuckles.

"You know, if you continue to do that, you'll get arthritis."

"I've been doing it for the last ninty-something years... Somehow I think I'm in the clear."

"Ninty... Something... Years?" It didn't fit. 'Nah, this guy doesn't look like he's out of his late twenties.'

"Yeah, but its probably a 'lot' longer... I never learnt to count. Best not get in to it, it's a long story and if you don't hand over Chris' property, you won't be 'round long enough to hear it."

"Sorry, guess I left it back in my other disguise," The thief patted himself up and down to emphasise his point. "Tell you what... You wait here, I'll go grab it and come back." Knowing this would probably get him another slap round the mouth, Sly decided not wait for an answer. He turned to run down the street, now abandoned by shoppers not wanting to be witnesses to Kofi's assault. Sly didn't get far before the ground in front of him started to give off sparks. 'Someone's shooting at me and it ain't with a shock pistol. These guys are serious... Okay. I can do serious'

"If it were up to me, man, I'd take your word for it but 'er up there ain't exactly the trusting type." Kofi's eyes indicated the woman on the roof Sly had seen his attacker fighting with before. Almost instantly, the Panther dropped to a crouch as three bullets screamed over his head. "You know, one day you won't have Chris to hide behind, Sweetness! I can wait!" Standing up Kofi turned his attention back to Sly. "Chris's latest piece of crumpet... What'cha gonna do, huh? Now where was I? Oh yeah, it's a shame you haven't got that little trinket on ya, I liked you. But rules are..." The table leg to the side of head stopped the thug's little speech. Going to a hospital full of police, Sly had thought it best to leave his famous tool and weapon at the hideout and the damage caused by Kofi's punch had free up the nice piece of wood. Unfortunately for Cooper, it didn't down the black-furred monster but caused him to start snicker. "I knew I'd enjoy this. MY TURN!"

'Why do all the psychos in this business want to pick on me?' The thief thought as Kofi grabbed the scruff of Sly's neck and powerslammed him into the ground. If Sly had driven straight into the concrete floor, he would surely have broken his back, but Kofi wasn't going to finish his dinner in one mouthful, he knew how to make a full meal of it and slammed the racoon into another table.

Had Sly sat in the cafe itself, rather then taking a seat outside, he would have been beaten to death there and then.

"WE'RE COMING, SLY!"

Rapidly approaching the two combatants outside the cafe was the Cooper gang's day van. Bentley and 'the Murray' had just turned the corner and witnessed their old friend crash through a table. If he could get to the van, Cooper would be safe... All the gang's vans had been bulletproofed two summers ago after the Maxi Warwick heist. Murray floored it - no one was going to hurt his buddy.

DarkFire saw the van and decided to get rid of two very annoying birds with one van. Calculating the van's path from it's speed and current direction, it 'would' have stopped just to the right of Cooper. DarkFire took her shot with a smile and a song in her heart and hit the left front wheel. The sudden shift in weight and center of gravity caused the van to swerve to the left and careen straight into Kofi and Sly. Much to the sniper's annoyance Cooper was fast enough to jump on and run across the van's roof, but Kofi wasn't that quick. The van smashed into the wall of the cafe with the thug riding the front it.

"Well at least it got that useless..." Raising her gun barrel, DarkFire prepared to take out the thief who was still running about. Before she was able to take the shot Macavity pushed the gun barrel back down. "Chrissy, what are you doing?"

"You promised Kofi the kill and you will give him that honour."

"But he's wallpaste!"

"DarkFire, I dislike repeating myself. Kofi isn't like regular folk."

On the ground, Sly was working the backdoor of the van so he could get to his friends. On the other side of the door Bentley had got out of his seat and was trying to put out the small fire on his computer.

"Erggg... THERE!" The backdoors were now open. "Murray, Bentley, you guys alright?"

"Only a few cuts and abrasions in here Sly. What about you?"

"What feels like a cracked rib, but I'll live... Guys... not that I don't appreciate the rescue but throwing the van at him was a tad harsh." The trademark Cooper grin shone through the smoke.

"It wasn't in the plan, but it worked." The turtle tried to join his friend in making light of the situation. Neither wanted to think about what had just happened to the black panther who rode the front of the van into the wall. Someone had just murdered him, was it them or the girl with the gun? That was a moral question they'd talk about when they were back at the hideout. "Murray... you okay?" Their cumbersome pink friend had yet to utter a word. His eyes fixed to the rubble on the hood, the focus of the crash had brought a large chunk of the wall down on top of that guy, and he was being crushed twice in quick succession.

With the van out of commission and the police probably well on their way, Bentley and Sly decided to make tracks. Having climbed out the back doors after gathering whatever could be used as evidence against them, they were ready to leave, all they needed was the hippo.

Murray slowly took off his seat belt, his mind still going nineteen to the dozen but Sly said it was time to go. They would talk about it at the hideout. He grabbed the few trinkets he had on the dash and reached for the door handle...

"You broke my sunglasses."

Murray's eyes darted straight back to the hood. Kofi was smiling back. The van's front had buckled and bent round the guy's waist. But Murray's eyes were not drawn near his waist, but Kofi's eyes. Without the dark glasses hiding them, Murrey could see that Kofi had no pupils, completely white eyed.

"Now... MY TURN!" Slamming a hand into both side of the van with such force to shake Murray side to side, Kofi then lifted all four wheels of the vehicle off the ground. Giving it's occupant an evil grin, the panther tossed it a good five hundred yards down the street.

Both of the hippo's friends could just look on in awe. They had only see such strength once before, from Muggshot, but this was unbelievable. Whereas Muggshot's arms had been so misproportioned it looked like he could easily pick up a van, Kofi's arms were just very big but in proportion.

"Kofi, forget the retard! Go for Cooper!" DarkFire yelled from her rooftop vantage point.

"All in due time, sweetness." The thug took off his dogtag collection and wrapped them around his right hand to create a knuckle duster with some sort of protruding golden spike.. "I just want to show the pink one the reason I'm called Macavity's Right Hand of Death." And with that Kofi started to run towards Murray who had crawled out the now wrecked remains of the van and was trying to get to his friends.

The already battered Sly stepped into the path of the incoming thug. This was his fight, not his friends.

"Nana, nana, nana, Haystack!" About five foot from Sly, Kofi jumped up and came straight down with the Right Hand of Death aimed at Cooper's head. Thinking fast the racoon reached into his coat pocket and flung a coin straight in to the villian's eyes. "Arrgh!" Sly then took a step back and watched as the thug drove himself into the ground.

"I know there's a pun I could use here but I can't put my finger on it." The thief was tired but that was no excuse for poor sarcasm.

"Kofi, abort! The cops are just two street away!" The third member of the group Sly couldn't make out earlier barked out the command to the guy in the ground.

Picking himself up, Kofi took off down a nearby alley. With Macavity orders, Kofi didn't dare disobey. Just because he could take whatever the world served out to him, didn't mean he couldn't feel pain.

"Bentley, you and Murray get out of here and get checked out. I'm gonna keep tabs on our little friend."

"Umm... Sly..."

"Okay! Bentley, you and 'the' Murray..."

"No Sly," The pink hippo started sobbing. "I can't move my leg. It hurts."

Sly looked down at his old friend who still lay on the ground. The superhero fan's leg was lying limp behind him. No way was Murrey going anywhere but in the back of an ambulance.

"Bentley, you keep tabs on that thing." Sly spoke with disdain. "I'll wait here with with the big guy."

"You want me to what?" Both Bentley and Murray were surprised by the thief's last comment. Bentley in the field? Past tries didn't... hadn't gone very well, and now Sly wanted the little turtle to tail that monster! "Sly, if I go, I'll get killed!"

"Look, I know its not what you're used to, but you've read the Thievius Raccoonus enough to survive. I need to stay here, it's my fault Murray got hurt. Besides I'm the big fish, am I not? If they've got me, I bet they won't even bother putting guards outside Murray's hospital bed."

"And how will we get both of you out of there?"

"We'll 'discuss' it later." The thief said with a knowing wink.

"Huh?... Ohh, I get it."

"Great, now go. Just leave our stuff in one of the the drop points."

A moment later the streets fell silent. Cooper put his coat over his friend to make a make-shift blanket. 'At least I can get this rib looked at.' It was Cooper's last thought as the squad cars turned the corner.


	9. Questions

**Deadmen Tell No Tales** by Nee Knight 

**NOTES**- Sly Cooper and related characters are property of Sucker Punch. The Macavity name is Andrew Lloyd Webber and/or T.S. Elieot. Nee's characters are property of Little Nee Knight. After a few tweaks Nee was able to bring back Hayes. Yay! Nee wishs Nee lived in a world where bounty hunters had their own fan clubs.

Now for the reviews of the reviews.  
kyanightdragon - Thanks for your reviews kyanightdragon.  
Nee can see you like the S&C relationship (Yes, it is that obvious), and Nee personally likes that pairing too but "Tell No Tales" is set in between Sly 1 & 2. There maybe parts where Nee builds up the relationship, but Nee can't do too much so the characters are where they are at in the beginning of Sly 2. Plus Nee has a "Deadmen" trilogy in the works with a possible forth installment on the notepad gotta save something for them.  
P.S. Nee thinks "DTNT" deserve more reviews but it doesn't matter. Nee isn't in this for the reviews, they're just a happy bonus Nee will continue telling this story until it is told, Nee love this story and if you love something, you should set it free. Now excuse Nee, Nee has to wash this sap off.

Seeiko - Nice ta see ya. Yeah, that 'GO!' button is a cocky little smarK!  
This chapter has a different mojo about it but Nee thinks all chapters (Not just in Nee's stories) are bathed in awesomeness.  
Thanks for your review.

When Nee started writing this, Nee heard Dave Allen, a very funny comedian and a great man, passed away. So as tribute Nee signs off today with the message:  
Whatever you believe, May your God go with you.

**Ch9 - Questions**

"Do you actually know how much you've stolen over the years?"

"I'm sorry, you'll have to ask my accountant. I lost count about four years ago." Cooper said. He'd been here two hours and already he was getting bored. It had taken a good half hour to get through his list of charges and this guy wasn't as fun as Carmelita.

Officer Hayes was a rookie, one good enough to take up the Cooper case in Miss Fox's absence but still a rookie. The young white feline even forgot to get Sly to the FME when they arrived at Interpol. Sly knew he was big business and that makes the new kids nervous, so he let the matter ride. Also Hayes was not in anyway the biggest officer the thief had come up against, so his attempts at being imposing were laughable at best.

"You think you're so funny, don'tcha?"

"No..." Sly leaned forward. "I know I'm funny. Now if you don't mind I've had a big day and I'd like to go to my cell. That is, of course, if you don't have a grown up I can talk to?"

"What? I'm only one year younger than you!"

"And I've done more in that year than you've done in your entire life, Junior... Now take me to my cell!" Cooper was too tried to bother with social niceties, not when the officer was treating this like he didn't know it wasn't a real interview. Everyone knew Sly was guilty as sin, heck he left his calling card everywhere, so any interview was just for show.

"Fine! Interview terminated at nineteen twenty-two." And with that Hayes turn to open the door and the thief was led to the special cell made to hold his dad years ago (apparently Carmelita had her office moved right next door when she heard she'd got the Cooper case). If it weren't for Hayes' muttering, Sly would have thought the trip from interview room to cell quite nice, everyone would stop, stare and talk in hushed whispers as they past.

'I'll have to get arrested more often, it's nice to get treated like a celebrity.' The thief was thrown through the cell doors. 'Well not exactly like a celebrity.' Now he was alone, Sly checked out his temporary accommodation. Two doors covered the only way out. The outer, an eighth-of-a-inch thick steel door with a spy hole, a few air holes and that was it. The inner, your average set of bars. There was a sink, a toilet and an uncomfortable-looking matress. It was obvious that this was meant to be his home until trial. 'Sadly I won't be here for that.' And checked out his award-winning smile in the sink's mirror.

"...THAT ARROGANT PIECE OF... ARRRGH!" Hayes slammed his head into the desk. His first encounter with Cooper hadn't gone as well as he'd hoped. He was meant to go in there, break the thief down with the facts and figures and extract a full confession within forty-five minutes... That's what he was meant to do. What he did do was make a complete and total dog's dinner of the first ever police interview with a Cooper, messed up dates and places only to be corrected by Sly himself and he'd walked into every putdown situation possible. "You wouldn't have stood for that wouldya? You'd put him down without a second thought..."

"Who you talking to, Hayes?"

"INSPECTOR FOX!" The rookie almost fell off his chair. In the doorway of the closet office Officer Hayes called home, stood the vixen still sporting one or two bandages. "We didn't think you'd be back for a couple more weeks."

"Crime doesn't rest, so why should we? As soon as the doctors said I was good to go I came here. I've already lost a week on the ringtail because of this." Carmelita entered the room and pointed to the bandage around the top of her head. She was still looking round the small room for whoever Hayes had been talking to, however there weren't many places someone could hide. All that was in the room was a desk with a computer and phone on it and two seats. "The trail would have gone cold by now."

"Ah... No-one's told you, have they?"

"Told me what?" The vixen narrowed her eyes.

"We captured Cooper this afternoon."

Carmelita's heart sank. Part of her told her to be happy, 'one more criminal was off the streets', but the other parts of her were screaming. Sly Cooper, Master Thief, was hers to bring in. Years chasing, weeks upon weeks of paperwork, months spent being tormented and teased by her colleages and she hadn't been the one to slap the cuffs on him. It was meant to be her redemption.

"But... but... but... HOW!" Carme's mind was still trying to comprehend the fact she hadn't been the one to capture the ringtail.

"Apparently he and one of his gang got into a fight, and get this, it was only with the suspect for the bombing."

"Macavity?"

"No, he's dead. He died when a sniper took out the driver of the van he was in. No, the guy I was talking about was a big male panther. What was his name?... Kofi, that's it. He was fighting with Kofi."

"Why was he fighting Cooper?"

"Don't know or care to be honest, all that's important to me is me and my beloved are getting a new office." Hayes stroked his computer monitor. Carme, needing something to give her mind a breather, twisted her head enough so she could see Hayes' screen. A picture of that bounty hunter, Natasha Something, along with the words.

_"To Fan No.5411,_  
_Here's your picture! No, I won't pose in a bathing suit. Now please quit the fan club. Please!_  
_N.C"_

... Hayes was a definite fanboy. Carmelita didn't pry further into the cat's personal life as the next line out of his mouth broke her. "It's quite a career maker bringing in a Cooper, you know."

"You're the one who caught Cooper?... I've got to go." This was more than Miss Fox wanted to take in. 'Cooper was caught by a rookie, whilst fighting with that thing, Kofi... There was no connection. Sly is a thief, sure, but he has enough scruples to detest murderers and other scum. So unless the thief was stupid enough to steal from a panther guilty of genocide, they'd never even meet, let alone start fighting for no reason.' Questions needed to be answered and there was only one place to get them, the Cooper Cell.

"Oh there you are Carmelita. Someone said they saw you in the building." It was the chief. The small brown dog, with his trademark four day old shirt and never-ending cigar, had blocked the young vixen's retreat. He was holding the Cooper case folder. "Now before you say anything, may I just offer Interpol's sincerest apologies and say the matter has now been resolved. Hey, if you run you might catch him"

"What?" It seemed to be Inspector Fox's day for questions.

"The wrongful arrest of your Uncle, Mr. Fernando of course. It seems this gooseberry..." The Chief extended a finger towards Hayes. "...can't tell the difference between a racoon and a fox!"

"My Uncle!" Carme glared at the now very confused cat. "You mistook one of my family for that ringtail?"

"NO! It was Cooper! Hell, he even confessed he was Sly Cooper!"

"HE WAS DRUNK, YOU TWIT!" The vein on the short dog's forehead looked like it was gonna blow. "After he sobered up, he was stuck in the C cell until I walked past. Just be thankful he didn't make a complaint!"

"Look, he said he was Cooper. He told us he'd dyed his fur for a disguise, it's all on the interview tape. He sounded like Cooper and was waiting with one of the Cooper Gang. He confessed to all the crimes on the charge sheet..." Hayes had his head in his hands. "And you just let him go?"

"Are you listening to me! I know a fox when I see one! If it was the thief, he would have had grey fur, a tail covered in rings and that blasted cane on him! And as for your interview tape, I checked the one you submitted before I signed the release." The Chief pulled a small cassette player out of his trouser pocket and placed it on Hayes' desk and filled it with a tape from the case folder. With just a quick, sharp look in to the eyes of the young officer, the Chief told the rookie to press play.

_"I'm not wearing underwear today,  
No I'm not wearing underwear today,  
Not that you probably care,  
Much about my underwear,  
Still none the less I gotta say,  
That I'm not wearing underwear today."_ The tape-player sung. After the song there was nothing but silents, from the tape and from Hayes.


	10. Answers

**Deadmen Tell No Tales** by Nee Knight 

**NOTES**- Sly Cooper and related characters are property of Sucker Punch. The Macavity name is Andrew Lloyd Webber and/or T.S. Eliot. Nee's characters are property of Little Nee Knight. Nee got so waterlogged when Nee shot this chapter. As is often the case, Questions are followed by Answers. Enjoy!

Winged sence - Nee knows how that feels, you wanna review but you have to go and logon again! Tis a very tiresome thing, but at least you reviewed. Hayes messed with Sly, Nee can't have anyone but Miss Fox bring him in. The Underwear Song comes from Avenue Q.  
Glad you found it funny.

Purple Carnation - Nee goes all coy Stop it, Nee doesn't rule... Really? Okay, Nee will try not to do coy again... NEE ROCKS! Thanks for your comments. Nee's sense of humour is often misunderstood, most people these days don't normally get it. Nee was raised on Pythons, Porridge and Open All Hours, back when humour wasn't all about swearing and sex (Unlike "Comedies" Nee has seen lately.  
Remember: Those that can, do. Those that can't, manage. In the Chief's defence, Sly confessed to Hayes who he was and Sly conned his way past the Chief. Plus Hayes follows the teachings of Natasha Cinder and her father, he can spot a target from about a mile away.

Noalyn - What's wrong? You sound so sad :( Sorry your life is "ugh" at the moment. You are one of the best writers Nee has ever seen, and as we all know a true artist has to suffer for their art. If Nee can do anything to make you happier, you let Nee know.  
As for seeing how things all end up, you have to wait a while yet, Nee's got a long way to go yet.

**Ch10 - Answers**

Carmelita ducked out the room, she had heard all she'd needed. The only Uncle Fernando she had was a tee-total man who would kick up a storm if he woke up in a cell charged with stealing in excess of four billion US dollars. And Cooper was the only thief on the planet cocky enough to give someone a full confession, only to swap the tape for something like that. And now he was without a cane and probably making his escape at his leisure, because after fighting someone with a reputation like Kofi's, you like to take things slowly. Anyone else chasing the ringtail would have ran straight down to the main entrance but after all these years the police woman knew better as she got to the elevator and pressed the button for the roof.

As her leather boots made contact with a rain soaked roof, Carmelita smiled. He hadn't been lying about the fur dye. There was a faint red trail leading to the other side of the roof. As she made way to the edge of the roof, she began cursing the very rain that had just assisted her in following the master thief.

"One day I've got to get a coat that has a hood and is long enough to cover my midriff." The lady growled.

Looking out across the miles of empty rooftops spotting the racoon was easy, however when her eyes first caught sight of him, Carmelita couldn't believe how unfair life was being to her. Despite being rain sodden and looking like he'd lost a six on one fight, that ringtail's good looks still made the base of her spine tingle. Always angry at the thought of that criminal making her feel like that, Carmelita's legs picked up speed.

"HALT, RINGTAIL!"

'No way! It can't be her. She was in hospital yesterday!' A tired and suprised Sly turned around to see the enchanting vixen running towards him. He started to open his mouth and quickly shut it after he remembered how Bentley had informed him of Murray's escape from hospital. Covering his mouth with his left hand he addressed the approaching Inspector. "Now what's a beautiful young lady like you doing on a rooftop like this, Fairest of the Fair?"

"Excuse Me!"

"Forgive me, I forgot that we're in business hours... Now what's a beautiful young lady like you doing on a rooftop like this, Inspector Fox?" The racoon smirked behind his hand. "Not that I don't like seeing a face sculpted by the angels, but do you not know what they mean by the term 'sick days'?"

"Not really, You?" She eyed the thief's beaten up form. The vixen hated the way Sly's silver tongue lured her into conversation but she wanted the ringtail to answer her questions before he took off.

"Believe me, after the day I've had, I will be looking it up."

"Okay, we've done the playful banter. Now Cooper, I want to know what your connection is to Deadman Inc., why was one of them seen fighting with you and how in hell did you know my uncle's name?"

"Such a pretty mouth should not utter such a ugly word like hell, my dear."

"And I want the answers in that order." The cop said trying so hard to keep her tongue civil, however her shock pistol was now out of it's holster and aimed at Sly's head.

Never one to refuse a beautiful woman with a gun, Cooper told the young lady everything she wanted to know.

"First, oh alluring one, the only connection I have with that particular gang is that they hurt the little place I like to call my playground, not to mention my favourite cop, and I took a little revenge." His left arm grew tired and the thief swapped the hand covering his mouth with his other. "Which leds us swiftly along to your second question, I was given, did not steal, given something that belongs to their boss. They took exception to that and sent a freak to make me give it back... And as for why I know your uncle's name, I thought it unfair you know all about my family and I knew nothing of yours, soooo... I took a trip over to sunny Spain." Althought the racoon hid his mouth, the officer knew it currently played host to a big grin.

"YOU DIDN'T!" Carmelita knew it was pointless, she knew he had.

"I must say, you definitely get you good looks from your mother..."

"THAT'S IT YOU FILTHY RINGTAIL! YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!" And with that Miss Fox pulled her trigger. Before the energy ball had left the barrel, Cooper was gone. A moment or two after the discharge she spoke once more, this time she had a sadness in her voice. "...maldición."

"Now what did I just say about ugly words?" A voice came from the dark night air, a metre back from where Sly had been.

"Cooper?"

"You know, if you were to arrest me... I wouldn't tell you where the bozo who jumped me was hiding out..." The thief paused and stepped out of the darkness he had escaped to. 'Sometimes being a Cooper just rocks.' "I take it from your questions, I'm not the only thing on your mind... Which worries me slightly, I thought we had something special."

Carmelita had heard little after the line, "I wouldn't tell you where the bozo who jumped me was hidding out." 'The ringtail knows where to find Kofi, Kofi would be able to tell me where Macavity is. NO! This is not my case, it isn't even in my department. Plus Cooper wants me to let him go...' The vixen eyes drifted over the racoon, 'Last time I did that, he took it to mean more than it did.' Remembering their kiss, she was not looking forward for something similar to happen again. 'But the bad man killed daddy... WHERE THE HELL did that come from?'

While the inner conflict raged on, Sly simply enjoyed the view. The beautifully-flustered look on the Inspector's face convinced the Master Thief he did indeed love her. And this wasn't the sort of love he had with the other women he said those three little words to. His mouth still covered by his hand, Sly whispered the words.

"Did you say something?"

'She heard that!' The 'coon's eyes widened. 'Well you're gonna say it to her face eventally, so...'

"No... So how about it my love, a pardon for information?" A quick change of hands and the thief extended his right hand. 'Sly, my boy, you are a coward.'

"Sorry ringtail, I can't say I don't want to bring Deadman Inc. down but I have orders to bring you in." She said slapping the handcuffs on his extended arm.

"Okay, better idea. I go with you, extend my freedom ever so slightly and when it's all said and done, I'll happily walk into the cell you have waiting for me."

"And why should I trust you?"

"Because I am many things, but a liar is not one of them... At least as far as you're concerned." The thief's demeanour changed very quickly. The normally fun-loving Cooper was, for the first time she known him, deadly serious. And Carmelita had to concede defeat, the ringtail was a thief, but he was always honest about it.

"Okay... But the second this is over, your ass is mine!"

"You could have it now if you wanted." The old Cooper was back.

"Don't push it, Ringtail." The vixen responded coldly as she unlocked the cuffs. "And what is up with your mouth? Normally you're grinning like a mad man.

"I just had to undo some of my pal's dential work." Sly said taking his hand back, he then put his right hand into his coat and producted what appeared to be a blood stained tooth. "Hidden Radio. It how I was able to learn my pals were okay and the location of one oversized henchman." The raccoon lowered his left paw to reveal a sight one doesn't really want to show a young lady. His teeth coated in his own blood and a big gap where his right canila tooth should have been. Carmelita reaction was expected, her face now mixture of "Ouch, that's gotta hurt" and "I think I might be sick".

"Now what?"

"We go home, my dear. We go home and plan." And with that the thief and the cop left the soaked rooftops of Paris and started off to the hideout to come up with a plan of attack.

Hope peeples like this chapter. For those you who are wondering what Carmelita said: Maldición is Spanish for Damn. Nee just found a translation website -http/babelfish. Nee doesn't know if Nee's used it right so tell Nee if it's wrong... Please...


	11. The Spanish Vixen

**Deadmen Tell No Tales** by Nee Knight 

**NOTES**- Sly Cooper and related characters are property of Sucker Punch. The Macavity name is Andrew Lloyd Webber and/or T.S. Eliot. Nee owns nothing but the games and the promotional comic releashed for Sly 2, as well as the other characters and story... Nee doesn't own much but what Nee does own, makes Nee feel like the richest little snake in the world.

whereismybook - Nee has no idea where your books is. Nee happy you love Nee's fic! Getting all the characters right is most important when dealing with other peoples characters.Sly is by far the character Nee works hardest on. Nee glad you like the way Nee portrays Sly, how does Nee make him more awesome may Nee ask? Nee likes to know what it is Nee is doing well so Nee doesn't mess with the fomula. Hope to hear from you soon.

Winged sence - WS, Nee is yet to properly review your fic series but Nee has read it and loved it. Reviewness will be headed your way as soon as Nee gets a chance. Nee has a Babelfish sibling... YAY! Too many fics have characters from other countries who speak fluent English, although that has to happen so people can read it, there should be places where they let their tongues slip. Sly doesn't like curses mainly because Nee dislikes it, it also give Sly something else he can tease Carmelita about.  
To quote Nee's good self:  
Swearing lowers your IQ i.e. Swear in front of Nee again and Nee'll knock you silly.  
Nee actually said that to one of Nee's friends, so it was okay. Swearing is as much part of some characters as their history, so however much Nee dislikes swearing some characters will swear sometimes.  
Nee love you to bits for saying that, Thanks.

DarkWarlord - Thanks for noticing the amount of work in the characters, DW. As an actor, the characters are the most important things to Nee. They have been evolving in Nee's mind for years, just glad Nee's finally got a stage for them. Wait till you see the backstory behind two of the characters. Description is something Nee thought was lacking, thanks for the tip, although this is more a character-piece Nee will try to work in more description.

erickdragon101 -Thanks Dragon, Glad you like the whole "Killing Of Nathan Fox Jr" and that little story was difficult to do, as Nee couldn't give away the visual detail as it happened through the radio young Carmelita was listening to. We've already spoke privately about the mistakes. And once more Deadmen is far from over, ain't ready for the funeral yet

**Ch11 - The Spanish Vixen**

Carmelita didn't like this. Cooper, the master thief, the one who handcuffed her to a volcano, her nemesis and prey, was sitting on the backseat of her car and she'd given her word that she would not arrest him... for the time being. After they'd been driving for half an hour, Carmelita realised something... She had no idea where she was going, turning to the thief, she asked. And silence was her only reply. The oh-so trusting Cooper had fallen asleep.

Annoyed at how confident and cocky the raccoon was being by not feeling the least bit threatened by her, the vixen looked for something to wake the thief from his slumber. Upon opening the glovebox, Carmelita found a small stress ball an idiot from the office had given her one Christmas. One quick throw later and the thief was awake rubbing the top of his head.

"So where does filth like you hide, Ringtail?" Carmelita asked after Sly had had enough time to get his thoughts in order.

"Filth like me? Filth like me? Inspector, I thought you most of all would know, Sly Cooper is one of a kind." The raccoon said, a hurt tone in his voice which he dropped instantly for something more syrupy. "Me thinks the lady needs reminding how special this Cooper can be."

"Just answer the question, Ringtail."

"We decided to meet up Hideout Twenty-Two."

"YOU HAVE TWENTY-TWO HIDEOUTS!" The young lady pulled over and stopped the car.

"Of course, us thieves have to have more than one backup. In fact I own more property than most property developers." The raccoon gave a toothful grin (minus the tooth in his pocket). "As to where it is, take a left down there."

"Look just give me the address!"

"Wouldn't help you, dear enchantress. All the street signs around here have mysteriously vanished. Unless you know this area backwards, you've got no chance."

"So even if the police get a tip off, you're still safe in 'Nowhere Street, Paris'." The vixen had to smile. "For dirty, no-good thieves, you're very smart."

"We have to be. We have the bewitching Inspector Fox on our tail."

"Oh Senõr Cooper, flattery will get you..." She started off in a seductive tone, only to replace it with a shockgun pointing between the raccoon's legs. "...into the back of an ambulance."

"Aren't there rules about threatening a national treasure?"

"Directions. To. The. Hideout. NOW!"

After several very hectic minutes, the unmarked police car pulled up to a old nightclub, The Spanish Vixen. Although it was long closed down, the tatty posters still advertised Flamenco dancing lessons to celebrate Madrid San Isidro. Either Sly had bought this place for the name of it or had re-named it and made the front look older then it was. How the name came to be was irrelevant, all that mattered was it almost made the Inspector snap.

"Usted raccoon arrogante que coge." Carmelita swore in her native tongue as she got out of the car. Sly hadn't shut up for the entire journey, and now this... Having a hideout named after her. Certain lines were being crossed.

"One of these days we're gonna have to get you a swear jar, Carmelita. Honestly I'd make more money out of that in a year then I'd make thieving." Cooper said as he sauntered past the perturbed vixen. He heard the young lady's unladylike remarks about him calling her by her first name as he punched the code into the keypad.

"First time I've ever seen you use a door."

"One of my gang designed the security systems. I only ever break in if I want a real workout, something that in my present condition would not be the best course of action." He opened the door. "Normally here I'd say Ladies first, but if the guys see you first, they'll freak." Carmelita could understand that. "Wait here, she who has the face of an angel." He left her there scowling.

The main room of the hideout still had its old nightclub interior but unlike the exterior, it had been well-kept. The odd spare sock laying on the bar tarnished the immaculate neon-lit room (the Murray liked to keep his 'towers of justice' clean and ready for battle.)

"We have got to get that boy away from those comicbooks... Hey guys! Where are ya?"

"Sly!" Bentley popped his head up from behind the bar. "Sorry, I was downstairs rechecking Murray's leg."

"Rechecking?"

"Did you truly think I'd trust those wannabe doctors down at the hospital with any bodypart of my friends?"

"I'm pretty sure they are actually doctors, Bentley. Not wannabes." The green turtle had quite a few PhD's, all completed through mailoff courses. Not content being the gang's smartest member, Bentley was also the gang's exclusive doctor, dentist and shaman... Well, with folk like Ms. Ruby poking around, you need some well versed in Mojo. "So what's the damage?"

"It was pulled out the socket. Must have got caught on the gear stick as the van was thrown. Apart from that, a few cuts and bruises. But he is still a bit shaken up." The turtle rested his elbow on the bar. "How the ribs?"

"Still there, thankfully. At the moment my jaw hurts more."

"That all?"

"That and my pride, got anything to fix that?" One confused look later, Sly knew some explanations were in order. "I bumped into Carmelita on my way here, and a mouthful of blood and not enough teeth is the last thing I wanna give her..."

Before Cooper could follow up on the obvious pun, Bentley caught it.

"No need to say it, we all know what you want to give her." The genius took off his glasses and gave them a quick clean before putting them back on. "Ever wonder what your father would say if he knew you wanted to date a cop?"

"Hmm... Probably 'Good on ya, son'. All Coopers are attracted to what they know they can't have. Why else do you think we became thieves?"

"Okay, let's get you patched up. Then we can listen to the bug I planted." He said pouring a glass of water so Sly could wash his mouth out before the bit of dentistry,

"You got close enough to plant a bug?"

"Not really, one of my internet buddies knows someone who works at the airstrip which I was able to see our friend escaping to, so in exchange for my copy of the Star Wars Christmas Special, she planted the bug in his pocket."

"You sure she's a woman this time Bent'?" Cooper drank the water rather then swilled his mouth out. The turtle snatched the glass from his friend's hand.

"That only happened once! And this is so you can wash your mouth out." After refilling it, Bentley gave back the glass and placed a spit tray on the counter.

"Correction, it happened twice. But that other one was understandable, the guy did look like a woman." Tired of reminiscing, Sly took a swill of water, spat it out and changed the subject. "So you found anything out on that thing yet?"

"What thing? That thing you stole from Henri?"

"Why can't you believe I was given it?" The thief let out a small laugh.

"Because I know you, Sly. And no, all I can find out is it's old, made of gold but has a lot of advanced circuitry. Now shall we start?" The green guy pulled out some dentistry tools.

"Not just yet, I've got a vixen waiting outside for me." Cooper said. It took the turtle a few seconds to put two and two together.

"... YOU WHAT?"

Outside the club, Carmelita was getting tired waiting. The street was being drenched by the storm which had started about two hours ago on that rooftop. Thankfully the porch of The Spanish Vixen gave her a bit of shelter. Alone with her thoughts she looked up to the heavens and spoke to herself.

"Why am you doing this? Cooper's probably gone out the back and got away. Mind you, knowing him, he would have taken my keys, so I'd have to walk home in this." The vixen put her hand in her pocket to check that her keys were indeed still there, they were. "You should just go in there and arrest them all now... but that would mean losing a potential lead on a gang responsible for more crime than any other... But it means working with the ringtail... he handcuffed you to a flipping volcano for Chris'sakes... but you still trust him... guess some feelings are harder to kill off than others... when I take him down, I'm going to take him down hard, make him pay for putting me through this..."

She heard footsteps getting closer to the door. She asked one quick question before putting her game face back on.

"What would you do, dad?"

* * *

Translation Time YAY! For those of you who are wondering what Carmelita said: "Usted raccoon arrogante que coge" is Spanish... What for, Nee won't say. Let's just say it means something nasty and let leave it at that. -http/babelfish. or if that fails ask Google. 


	12. The Legend Begins

**Deadmen Tell No Tales** by Nee Knight 

**NOTES**- Sly Cooper and related characters are property of Sucker Punch. The Macavity name is Andrew Lloyd Webber and/or T.S. Eliot. All of Nee's characters are property of someguy, he's not that important. Little known fact: Almost every bachelor knows how to make Spaghetti Bolognese, It's true. Note Nee plays Iain.  
Also if Noalyn is out there, Nee got a get well soon pic for your computer, it on Nee's profile. Nee knows you've had trouble getting Nee's emails so Nee thought Nee would tell you here.

Wheres my book - Stop asking Nee about the location of your book!... Oh sorry, Nee's just been told that's your name... It's a nice name, just confused Nee for a while. Okay, erm... Of course Nee replyed to you at the beginning, you take time to review Nee's story it's the least Nee can do. And as for what's going to happen, Nee will try to make the journey's path as interesting as Nee can for you.

Heiduska - Glad you like DTNT. Waiting a long time? Sorry, Nee just has trouble sometimes sticking to Nee's schedule. Nee trys for a fortnightly update and that involes 1. Actually sitting down (that's the thing that hardest) and plotting out the scene 2. Writing in the details And 3. Sitting down Nee's proof reader, hinarei. THANK YOU hINAREI! (No capital h). And that lot takes more time than it should. Anyway, hope this chapter was worth the weight.  
Bentley's a skill dentist, putting the tooth back in won't be a problem ;)

Winged Sence - Thank you. Nee works so hard to capture how the characters all act and Carmelita is one of the best Nee can work with. And putting Carmelita and Sly together was always going to be a comic's goldmine. Some writers around here take life too seriously, so it nice just to chill out and make parts of your story as funny as smarK. Plus the whole filth thing is just how Nee's Miss Fox speaks.  
Felix-Don't give Carmelita any ideas, she might just use 'em. lol.

erickdragon101 - What can Nee say, Nee knows Sly. He's in love with the vixen, plus Sly needs to fill his ego sometimes. Nice to know Nee's streak of no mistakes continues. And it great you can't wait for the next chapter because hear it is...

**Ch12 - The Legend Begins**

As the vixen walked through the old nightclub, her stare lost in thought, an air of uncertainty filled the whole building. Predator and prey in the same room. Two of the Cooper gang looked terrified and lost for words, neither one believing that Inspector Carmelita Fox was there, in their hideout. Although they had agreed when Sly had ask if she could come in, they still couldn't believe it. The Cooper gang's third member and leader wasn't helping.

"As you can see, the interior is decorated in the traditional nightclub fashion with a touch of Latino Heat thrown in to give it a Spanish feel. We have a stage, a strobe-lighting room and neon bar. We did have a discoball but for some reason one of my friends dislikes 'em, and decided it had to die." The thief eyed the dumbstruck turtle. "The two statues over there are the Bent-du-ley and Venus-du-Murray, artists unknown but the creators of those particular pieces did a very good job in my opinion..."

"COOPER!" Sly's babble had broken throught the vixen's trance. Her internal conflict interrupted, Carmelita had to silence the talkative raccoon. "Daos, do you ever shut up? I didn't come for 'le Grand tour' of your flea-infested hovel. You said you knew where Kofi skulking, so are you going to tell me or do I have to rethink our deal?"

Sly smiled and sighed. "At once, my lady." Jumping up to the old DJ's decks above the bar, he continued: "One of our contacts was able to get a bug into a building Kofi is currently 'skulking' in." Flicking a few switches, the thief was able to play the incoming transmission through the speakers.

"Come on Iain, I'm bored out of my skull here..."

Hearing the mass murderer's voice over the radio made up her mind, any thoughts Carmelita had of just arresting Sly and his gang then and there vanished.

"What do you mean, I'm stuck here for another week?" The rough, harsh voice of Kofi rang out.

"He means you're stuck here for another week. Is that simple enough for you or do you want me to get out the flash cards?" The female Sly had heard before answered, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Please."

"What?"

"Please can you get out the flash cards?"

"I was being sarcastic!"

"Kofi, Macavity'sss Highlander One took all of Iain'sss fuel, and with nothing coming in till Sssaturday, you, Darkfire and Misty are Iain's lovely guessstsss." Iain's distorted and warped child-like voice joined in.

"Yay! We get to stay with Uncle Iain." A young girl said.

"Shh Misty, the grown-ups are talking. Sorry Iain, but unlike you and Kofi, me and my daughter are not wanted criminals. We'll be using the normal airport. Come on Misty, let's go." The sound of scraping chairs and a door being opened echoed in the old dance club.

"Ahhh but that place isss boring, they don't even play the 'Hide the Pilot' game."

"You're not gonna leave me here with Iain for a week are you? That's cruel and unusual!"

"I'm sure you'll get along grand. You're the 'cruel' and Iain's... currently trying to balance on his tongue."

"Iain doing it, Iain doing it, Iain..." There came a smash. "Iain isss Oookay"

"I hate you."

"And I you. See ya." The door closed.

"Don't worry Kofi, Iain will be your friend! Hugglesss!"

"Get off me, you sick freak!"

"How about sssome juice, it'sss quite ssspecial. It comesss in a boxsss."

"It gonna be a long week."

"So where is he?" Carmelita spoke when the conversation they were listening to devolved into what was the best flavour of juice. "It doesn't help knowing he'll be there for a week if we don't know where he is."

"He's... He's... He's currently in a building registered to an airfield owned by Iain Legend." Bentley fought his fear and spoke to the Interpol Officer.

"Well? What are we waiting for? Let's go!" Carmelita was halfway to the door before she even finished her sentence.

"Let's not." Sly was already leaning on said door, despite having to cover twice the distance the vixen had to cover. But to be fair, she marched, he ran. "We know he's there for a week, that gives us time to plan, do recon and recuperate. You wanna go aginst Kofi sporting that target?" Cooper pointed out the bandage Carmelita was still wearing. "Hey, Bent! Five days be long enough for that?"

"My calulations are indicating its possible. Although personal healing times will vary, recon and planning can feasibly be completed within three days."

"So what? You want me to sit back for five days and do nothing? Cooper, how long have I been chasing you?"

"Since the Slanora job."

"And in that time how much time off have I had?"

"None."

"Exactly! I'm not the sort of officer who lets a criminal take a breather."

"That's right. You're the sort of officer who can go all night long." Sly hadn't even realised what he said until Carmelita's fist hit the raccoon's stomach. "Oof... Sorry... Didn't mean it that way... Ooo... Look, how about when I do recon tomorrow, you come too?"

"Sigh Okay Cooper, but that had better be the last comment."

"I make no promises I can't keep. Now, will you be dining with us this evening? We picked up a lovely bottle of Don Cristobal Premium Malbec whilst in Argentina."

Had it not been for three things, Carmelita would have told the Ringtail where he could shove his Malbec. The first of these things was Carmelita hadn't eaten all day, a bad move after just leaving hopital. The second is she had no idea where she was, this place was in a whole mess of nameless streets. And thirdly, she knew Cooper would twist her words again.

"Change that wine to a beer and I'll think about eat here."

"Great! Sit yourself down at one of the tables, Murray's cooking tonight and me and Bentley got to get my mouth fixed. Oh and Murray, NO Noodles, got it?" Sly said, the young man was far too happy for someone about to see his dentist.

Five minutes later Sly was seated in a recliner in the cellar below the bar with Bentley, who was readying his dentistry tools. The crates of alcohol that were housed in this room had been 'desposed of' long ago, and it now played home for Dr Bentley's surgery. White tiled walls, a light grey lino floor and a modified white recliner made it easy to clean. Bentley stationed himself by the light grey countertop along the wall, preparing the tooth.

"Be a few more minutes for the radio to recharge..."

"Why does it take so long to do that?"

"When trying to fit a radio in to a tooth, things such as power consumption take a backseat to safety and size constraints... Do you think it was a good idea bring Carmelita back here?"

"Yeah, sure." Sly said with a goofy smile on his face. Bentley couldn't tell why, it may have been the drug Bentley had given Sly for the procedure or if Sly was about to make another remark. "Carmelita maybe an enemy to all things criminal, but she has this code of honour. If she says she won't take me in until this is done, she won't."

"And then what? What about me and Murray? I don't want to sound selfish or anything, but we can't just walk away from this and take up normal lives."

"Don't worry Bentley. She promised not to arrest you two as well. Look don't worry, everything's taken care of, I have a plan."

"That makes me more worried."

"At the moment I'm more concerned with Murray. He hasn't spoken at all since I got back." Sly got up to look at the charger.

"Well he has just been thrown around by a monster. It's natural to be a bit shaken up." Bentley said pushing Sly back down into the seat. "You know the rules, after I've given you your pre-procedure drug, no getting up until it's done."

"You think I should have a word with him?"

"Couldn't hurt, this on the other hand..." The turtle took the tooth out of the charger and grabbed a clamp. "...will."

The pink one in question was in the kitchen (which had at one point been the staff breakroom), preparing the dinner, soup for the raccoon and Spaghetti Bolognese for the rest. However the scent of the sauce didn't have it's usual effect on the hippo. Normally the smell of bolognese picked him up no end but today he'd failed. He'd failed his friends, he'd failed the citizens of Paris and he'd failed himself. That villain, kofi, had taken The Murray and treated him like a rag doll. He was no superhero.

"So does Cooper have other thieving enhancements?" Carmelita had moved into the little yellow room when The Murray had gone to make dinner. For the first half hour, she busied herself by stripping down her Shock Pistol on the table in the centre of the small room and giving the barrel a clean. Now that she'd finished putting the thing back together, she had to keep her mind off what she was getting herself into. "Wouldn't surprise me. Probably just a common everyday thief without them. Ha. The great Cooper, nothing but a guy with a gadget or two. That foolish raccoon has a built-in automatic lockpick in his left buttcheek, right?" The hippo wasn't talking, either he was very rude or just too dumb to answer. 'Knowing criminals the way I do it's probably a bit of both.'

"Carmelita, if you wished to discuss my butt you should have said." Cooper was surpisingly up and as talkative as ever. He had to use the wall to walk but his mouth showed no sign of stopping. After letting the cop snarl at him for a little while, the raccoon continued. "As far as gizmos go, when you have as much natural talent as me a hidden radio is more than I need. I only had this put in to make Bentley relax a little. The guy's a heart attack waiting to happen. Now if it isn't too much to ask, could you keep an eye on the dinner whilst I steal the chef for a moment?" Before the vixen could answer, the raccoon had whisked his cumbersome friend out the kitchen and in to the main dancing and drinking room. Now the number of things she could do was limited, she did the only other thing she could do in that situation...

Just outside the door, on the one of the red tables that hung on the outskirts of the main room, Sly sat his friend down and took his seat adjacent to the hippo. Even though it was always just the Cooper gang, all the tables were fully set up, partly because when the gang ate in they wanted to have a choice of table. And also it was easier to do that then moving all the glasses and cutlery around. Before either one spoke, the thief grabbed the bottle of wine he'd talked about before from the table behind him and poured some of it into the two glasses on the table, knowing that by now his fast metabolism would have burnt the dental drug out of his system... After all since they're not having it for dinner, it'd be a crime to waste it.

"Sooo... how are you?"

"...I'm fine Sly, why'd you ask?"

"Because of THAT!" Cooper caught on to that one quick. "You said 'I'm', not The Murray. So I will ask again, how are you?"

"I'm... fine, Sly. Really."

"Look, Murray, I know when you've got something on your mind, we've been pals since we were eight. Is it about what happened today?" The hippo remained silent but nodded. "First time you've been knocked about by someone bigger than you, isn't it?" Once more the hippo glumly nodded. Even in the Happy Campers Orphanage, Murray was so big no one could lift him, over time as the gang got to on bigger and bigger criminals, Murray confidence had grown and grown. He was seemingly invicible. Unfortunately that had set him up for a bigger fall, a more destructive blow to the hippo's self esteem. "Murray it's okay. I've got to admit, we've faced some tough customers in the past but that guy was just scary."

"Sly... I'm... was meant to be the scary one. I'm meant to be The Murray, the thing evildoers fear. But he just laughed at me. How am I meant to scare that thing if I'm not strong enough, how am I supposed to protect you and Bentley if I can't even protect myself?"

"Murray... Remember when Commando Carrot had his roots handed to him by that sexy but deadly SpaceGirl Uderzo. Did he give up? I think not!"

"It was Captain Carrot fighting Goscinny and he did..."

"Excuse me?" Sly raised a eyebrow as he drank his Don Cristobal Premium Malbec.

"Captain Carrot. He gave up when he was beaten by Goscinny in issue #2008. That was the end of the series." And for a moment the master thief was quiet, then he answered.

"What do you want from me? I don't read those things, I just glance at the covers of yours from time to time. The point I'm trying to make is SuperHeroes don't... Shouldn't give up."

"I'm not a SuperHero, Sly! They only exist in stories that don't have anything to do with real life. I'm just a big dumb oaf for believing in them!" Murray could feel the tears welling up inside of him. Sensing that the big guy was about to cry, Sly just sat back and said the only thing he could think of...

"You're not a oaf, Murray. And you may not be the sharpest lockpick but you still can bust a lock..."

Before Sly could finish that thought a loud crash came from the Kitchen followed by a lot of Spanish swearing. The thief was a mere blur. If anything had happened to Miss Fox, she'd blame him. And he'd blame himself. The image that hit his eyes was one he'd remember for the rest of his days.


	13. The Stupid Cliffhanger

**Deadmen Tell No Tales** by Nee Knight 

**NOTES**- Sly Cooper and related characters are property of Sucker Punch. Macavity's name is A.L. Webber and/or T.S. Eliot. Nee's characters belong to no man... Or woman... But Neeeee! This chapter Nee ain't too happy with, maybe redone at a later date but Nee's behind schedule as it is... hinarei! Stop poking Nee, Nee is working as fast as Nee can.

Winged Sence- Nee's a hero... Wow... What does one say to that? Thank you doesn't seem enough... But those are the only words that Nee can think of, so thank you WS. Nee now just hopes to live up to these high expectations.  
Nee's with you on that one, Felix. Carmelita can be a bit, hmmm, tactless sometimes (When Nee wrote that Sly had a nightclub called the Spanish Vixen, she literally tore Nee's skin off! Good thing Nee's a Snake or that might have hurt). Murray's a criminal in her eyes so she doesn't see any reason to spare his feelings. However Nee also does feel for poor Murray, but all superheroes need to come up against an impossibly tough villain sooner than later.  
Anyway, as for what Sly saw, Felix is right, be quiet and you shall see soon enough.

erickdragon101- Thanks Dragon, Nee's glad the conversation was perfect in your eyes. That was in fact the thing Nee worked on the most in that chapter. It took a lot to get the emotion right.  
Long Live Stupid Cliffhangers! Yay! Thanks for giving Nee a title for the chapter.  
Knight Out!

wheres my book- Well that would explain where Bentley is during the final part of the last chapter... You have to read this chapter to see.  
And as for Murray, he needs stuff happen to him if he's ever going to upgrade from annoying sidekick to something else. And this part of the story shows even the big people need to get stuff off their chests from time to time. So Nee has to do this to Murray to make the story progress.  
P.S. Sly is strange even off drugs. XD LOL

Heiduska- Continuing Now! Thanks for liking Nee's fic, it's not that great... Is it?

carmelitasfoxboy16- Well foxboy, Murray CAN eat anything... How it goes down is a different story. Nee'll try to keep the story on the same level of awesomeness, but Nee makes no promises.

WolfKeeper989- Thanks for the comment and it's not a question of reading, it's reviewing that Nee has trouble with. Nee has read your Slyfic (The others Nee does not know enough about to comment on) and its a very good piece of well written work. In fact the 'Old Habits Die Hard' review has been pending for sometime, Nee will review soon... If Nee forgets, email Nee and give Nee a kick in the tail

**Ch13 - The Stupid Cliffhanger**

"What are you doing?" The cocky Cooper smiled at the sight he was beholding.

Amounts the vast amount of foodstuffs on the cluttered countertop, Carmelita was kneeling next to the sink, searching the top cupboard. It wasn't the only cupboard that the slender vixen had looked through, it appeared. All the lower cupboards had been turned out as had most of the higher ones, including the one containing the plates. That explained the crash but what explained the swearing (The most recent lot anyway) was the thing that made the scene so memorable to Sly..the young lady had found the lost bag of flour. The term 'white as a sheet' didn't cover it. Her fur was drained of all colour, her normally exquisite raven-coloured locks looked like they belonged to a woman who was more 'advanced in years.  
The Inspector didn't look at the charismatic coon but he could tell she had that delightful scowl on her pale face.

"I'm looking for the spices, what's it look like?"

"My dear, I am merely a thief... The best one there is, but still just a thief. I don't deal in 'Spices'."

"Not THOSE sort of spices! Trust a criminal to think I meant that!"

"Ouch." Sly put his hand to his chest comically. "That one hurt. I only thought you meant it that way because you always seem to think the worst of me, pretty lady... Now, if you don't mind me asking, why are you after spices?

"Because it bad enough I'm having to eat here, but if you think I'm ingesting that bland-tasting foulness," She indicated the pot of bolognese, "you have got to be joking."

"Well Carmelita, if you like it... Hot... I'll see what I can do."

"...Just find the spices, Ringtail, before I knock out your other teeth." Carmelita was hungry and decided to let the 'Hot' comment slide.

They both continued to search the kitchen. Before Thiefnet had been set up, most of the gang's stolen goods had to be sold in a face-to-face transaction and, being the good host that he is, Sly made sure clientele were well fed for repeat business. The Spanish Vixen had played host to the majority of these exchanges, so that meant there was a lot of food to look through. Eventually, after several smooth comments from Sly and a few cantankerous remarks from Carmelita, an old spice rack was found, with most of the old herbs still in date.  
After the vixen added apparently much needed spices to the food and tried to get most of the flour out of her fur, it was time to eat. All sat around the same table the Inspector had used for her gun, all eyes on Murray, the official food expert of the group. The 'Former Superhero' looked down at the plate before him. It looked like Spaghetti Bolognese and although it had been thrown off slightly by the added herbs, it smelled like Spaghetti Bolognese. With his other senses confirming the dish as what it was meant to be, that only left the taste. Taking hold of his fork, Murray inserted the four pronged instrument into his dinner and after getting a large forkful allowed his tastebuds to sample what the woman had added.

"It's good." Murray said. Although his worries still lay very much on his mind, the tang the new flavourings added perked him up enough to appreciate the food set before him. "Real good." Bentley tried next and that led to the brains of the Cooper Gang agreeing with his pink friend.

"Well, my little Spanish rose, it seems your touch has meet with approval." Sly addressed the officer in the suave voice Carmelita had become accustomed to.

"I was not looking for approval, criminal. I merely refused to partake in a meal solely prepared by you and your... Friends. I may be hungry but I still have standards."

The turtle took a break from sampling the food to enquire into a subject that puzzled him.

"Inspector..." Bentley was scared stiff, next to him sat the woman who had dedicated the best part of about four years to putting him and his friends behind bars. And now he was attempting to get into conversation with her. "... I, I, I was just wondering (gulp), why y-you are yet to eat? I mean if you are hungry, there must be a reason..." With an IQ as advanced as his, it was to be expected, the turtle was fearful of what he didn't know. Had the sauce been drugged? Was she just going to wait 'til they all zoned out, then arrest them in their haze? Would his next day be spent as Prisoner No 5411? He needed to find out.

"I said I had standards. They include not breaking bread with a bunch of crooks. I'll find myself a different table once I see sample his soup." That last line gave the vixen a small mischievous smile.

"I thought you weren't looking for approval." The raccoon returned the smile with one of his own. He picked up his spoon and dipped it into the red liquid the vixen had helped prepare. "I must say, I wouldn't have thought of you as one for cooking."

"I'm not, but chasing you all over the globe has insured that I remain single. With no-one at home to cook for me and Paris' lack of good take-out places, I've got to feed myself. That and, much to my chagrin, my mama made me take cooking and dancing lessons as a child..." The police woman looked back to her childhood as she waited for Sly to put that spoon into his mouth. When she rejoined her mother in Spain after Nathan's death, Carmelita started to want to become a police officer. After losing her ex-husband to the job, Carmelita's mother tried to curb this with a number of 'Girly' activities. No daughter of hers would join such a vulgar profession, there was no way she'd meet a 'Marrier' if she was doing police work. Or so Carmelita's mother thought. "Not that that's any of your business anyway. And I'm not looking for your approval."

"Dancing? You? This I have to see... You know, I'm quite good on the old dance floor myself. How about after dinner you and I pass the rose, eh?" Sly wink and put the spoon in his mouth.

"Dream on Cooper, the day I dance the tango with you will be the day the criminals start working for Interpol. Besides, to be my dance partner you have to be more than good, you have to be... hot..." The vixen started to laugh as her joke on Cooper began. His eyes slowly welled up with water, the roof of his mouth and throat where on fire. The master thief was panting and puffing, trying to get cooler air into his mouth. Amongst the coughs, pants and tears, Sly too started laughing. Hard! He'd not expected the usually straightlaced Miss Fox to pull such a stunt. After all these years of pulling pranks and teasing without a single sign of payback, Sly had thought he was safe from this kind of retaliation from 'The Iron Woman' (As her friends in Interpol had dubbed her). And that laughter... It wasn't the cute, silly giggle had heard from other women, nor was it a broken unfeeling cackle... It was real. In Carmelita's true laugh you could hear joy and not be afraid to laugh along with her, which even Murray did. Sly also heard the angels sing. The thief had longed to hear Miss Fox laugh like that and when she finally did it was everything he hoped and more. Although he knew that nothing would ever happen between them hearing that bout of laughter strengthened his resolve to keep pushing for that impossible future. After all, as Colonel Reid Cooper said when he developed the Time Stopper technique, it's only two little letters that seperate impossible from possible. The rest of the evening was pretty much uneventful, seeing as it was three in the morning after dinner. With the Sun peeking over the horizon, it was time for all good thieves to go to bed, and all good cops too, for that matter. After Sly had offered the officer of the law a bed for the night/day, along with the sly comments the ringtail couldn't resist making and customary response that followed, the thief and the cop drove back to a small park near where Carmelita lived before parting ways. Miss Fox needed help navigating the nameless streets which were home to the Spanish Vixen but there was no way she wanted the ringtail to learn the whereabouts of her apartment, let alone walk her to the door. As he made his way back to the hideout, Cooper couldn't help laughing about the vixen's worries. He'd known the location of his love's home for years.

"What a day!" Carmelita said as she walked up the steps to her apartment, as once again the elevator was broken. Over and over again, the vixen ran the day's events through her head, trying hard to imagine how much difference twenty-four little hours can make. She'd left hospital that day and headed straight to Police HQ, only to find Cooper had been arrested after fighting a guy who was with her father when he was murdered, and bluffed his way out of jail and then she'd decided to let him take her to his hideout. Now they were embarking on a quest together to put a bunch of murders to justice. It was a darn sight more than the paperwork she'd expected to do today (or yesterday, as the case maybe).

"Why is he doing this? I know why I'm doing this but why is he helping with a police investigation? 'For some extended time on his freedom', he said. Not likely. Why is he the one who always shows up? Just once I'd like to work with someone who's law-abiding and doesn't make me feel like..."

"Well, well, well! Look who's back from the dead!" Carmelita looked up to see her neighbour and land-lady, Miss Evans. Not your stereotypical 'old and bitter at the world' land-lady, Evans was a happy and free spirited ewe who was younger than the vixen. Having got the building from her late father to help finance her until she could get her singing career off the ground, she'd moved in and took the apartment next to Carmelita. It wasn't too bad but some things she did got on the vixen's nerves, such as suggesting the way Carmelita should use her "physical attributes" to advance her career. That and almost every week she boasted about her fans sending her all these flowers. Carmelita couldn't care less about her stupid flowers but something about it made the cop suspicious about her for some reason. "Carmelita, honey, what are you doing coming home this time in the morning? Don't tell me you finally listened to my suggestions, hmm?" The sheep's eyes narrowed as a smile crept on to her face.

"No, in actual fact I just had a very nice dinner with the criminal I've been hunting for four years..." Saying it more for her own benefit than for the ewe, Carmelita was still in the process of understanding the events of the evening. When she realised what she'd just said, the vixen froze. She was too honest for her good sometimes.

"Fine! You don't wanna fill me in. That's cool, but no need for sarcasm!" The ewe barked back, not liking the fact Carmelita had just blatantly lied to her, after all what had just come out of Carmelita's mouth was completely unbelievable. The fox couldn't believe herself.

"And why are you out so late?" The cop said trying to cover her tracks by get the conversation on Evans' favourite topic... Evans.

"Well darling, I'm not the type to kiss and tell..." The blonde sheep in a green dress started off.

'Now that's a lie' Carmelita thought but decided to remain silent. This was after all the woman in charge of the rent prices.

"...but I met this lovely young deer and me 'n' him have been painting the town fantastic tonight. We have so much in common, he's the entertainment at some exclusive island resort, likes pop music and has the cutest butt." Evans threw in so many overly-theatrical hand gestures, the clatter from her numerous pieces of arm jewelery almost drowned out the wannabe-singer's voice. "Anyway we hit a couple of nightclubs, sang at this small little bar and headed back to his place. Maybe one day we'll let you come with us. And let's be honest, a night on the tiles with me has got to be better than 'A very nice dinner' with a 'Criminal'. Say tomorrow about seven?"

"Sorry, what I've got planned with my 'Criminal' is going to be far more exhilarating."


	14. Driven To Destiny

**Deadmen Tell No** Tales by Nee Knight 

**NOTES**- Sly Cooper and related characters are property of Sucker Punch. Macavity's name is A.L. Webber and/or T.S. Eliot. Nee owns some stuff, including a "Legless but Smiling" hat from Nee's holiday. ANNNNND NEE'S BACK!  
First off let Nee say sorry for 1.The lack of updates 2.The very sudden holiday And 3. Anything else Nee has done that Nee should say sorry for. The last month or so has been... weird to say the less. That not an excuse you understand, just the reason (And a poor one at that). But hopefully now that Nee's back on track, Nee can write more and indeed review more (Something that has suffered badly over the last few weeks).

Winged Sence - Nee's happy you and Felix liked Nee's little trick And the end was made up on the fly as it goes (which normally Nee reframes from doing), along with Evans, so Nee's glad to work well for you. And Felix, it ain't the worst Nee's gotten from the lovely Miss Fox, she done things to Nee that would make even _YOUR_ fur stand on end.

erickdragon101 - Yes. You. Must. Laugh. Yeah, the soup was a bit predictable but then again so is life. And that criminal line was just Carmelita improvising off script, that's why it worked because it was "true" to her. Knight Out!

wheres my book - Oooh Two posts! Once again Nee's sorry for not updating but it's here now - So stop it with the eyes!Argggh! The power of the puppy eyes! Nee's glad you were surprised by Nee's tricks. And Nee felt that line about 'dancing with Cooper' had to go in there as that just want happens in a certain game that this story precedes.

Heiduska - Like a normal being, Carmelita can't be angey all the time, so this chapter hopefully allowed her to show her nicer, more friendly side. Glad you think the fic is great (Try saying that three times fast).

DivineGuardian - Three posts from you, it seems Nee's very pleased of what a 'Sly' obesser thinks of Nee's little fic. Now if Nee were to answer you question in this post, it may take away with the revealing when/if it happends - But you have raised a very good question with that vap remark...

Lt. Cooper - Two Posters Rule! In Chapter 2, that song does not belong to Nee but the comedy that Nee worked around it was, so thanks (Nee did change a few lyrics but not many). Nee also happy with peoples liking Nee speak (Third-person) you should have heard Nee when Nee had a lisp (Note: You got to hear it in Ch12). Nee hopes this next chapter doesn't dissapoint. Holla Back At Cha, EJ.

pharmmajor - Well, when Nee looked at the character of Carmelita, Nee saw it was incomplete... So black and white. Why? So Nee start writing this past for her, Nee likes it thought of as intriguing. And thanks for commenting on the air of 'sinister mystery' Nee worked in with the Macavity character, Nee's trying to see how long his true face can remain hidden, Sucker Punch hid Clockwerk's formost of the first game so Nee's going to try for that.

Clockwerk - We were just speaking about you. Hehehe. Well the wait is over, Here is Chapter 14 - Driven To Destiny.

Xhavius - The air of the supernatural smells nice, doesn't it? Thanks for your comments on the dialogue and character development as the main drive of the fic is the CD and it let's Nee know Nee has done Nee's job. Tar muchly ;)

**Ch14 - Driven To Destiny**

Sly tested his breath once more. Standing in the dark green hallway that laid in front of Carmelita's apartment door, the ever smiling raccoon was dressed in a little blue shortsleeved and dark grey trousers along with his ever present blue cap and mask (Since raccoons have masks anyway Sly could leave it on and no one would notice). Although it was only a recon mission, Sly felt a trip out with the woman of his affection was worth getting dressed up for. Carmelita may say she only wants to see him wearing a prison jumpsuit, but Sly knew he was a fairly good looking young man and in the game of love you've got to use every strength you got. Plus the clothes made Sly look much less thief-like. With the chocolates tucked under one arm and blue roses in the other, Sly looked like another guy going courting, much better for recon work. After the events that took place last night, Sly thought the vixen had finally started to warm to him. She may even say thanks for the flowers, after all he'd sent a bunch of high quality blue roses every week for years and not a word.

"Well you took your own sweet time, didn't you?" A voice snapped the 'coon out of his own little world. Startled by this, Sly looked around for the source of the noise, and he didn't have to look far. A quite busty young ewe, still in her dressing gown, stood at the door besides the one that led to Carmelita's apartment with a very annoyed look on her face.

"Are you talking to me?" Sly said. Seeing no one else she could possibly be talking to, he reasoned she must be and approached her.

"There's no one else here."

"So you must be talking to me." The thief chuckled and flashed a charming smile. His heart may belong to Carmelita but Sly Cooper was, is and always will be the Lady Killer... But he'd find women in this building a little more work than most.

"Whatever. Look I don't know how long you've worked for the delivery company but the other guy always got those flowers here by ten o'clock. It's now eleven." The smile had no effect, she was more focused on the flowers than Sly. She seemed to think he was some flower delivery guy. Never one to pass up an opportunity to mess with someone's head, Cooper decided to play along.

"So you're Miss Carmelita Fox, are ya?" A thought was starting to brew in Sly's tricky mind.

"Yes, I am. Now can you hand over my flowers, please?" Said 'Carmelita'.

'Bingo! No wonder Carmelita never mentioned the flowers, this woman must be intercepting them from the courier company I sent them through." Sly looked down and saw that his current outfit matched that of the delivery company's uniform. 'Thank God I signed them Secret Admirer and kept the messages clean.' If word got out Sly Cooper was senting the Inspector flowers with saucy messages, her life at the office would be worse than ever. "Well then 'Inspector' if you'd just sign for them..." The thief patted himself up and down. "Ah, sorry Miss Fox, I seem to have left my pen in the truck. I don't suppose you'd have one?"

"Of couse I have. Just wait here." When the ewe had disappeared, Sly edged his way to Carmelita's door. "I've got one."

'Blast.' Thinking quickly, the master thief concocted a way of keeping this faker busy. "Err... Is it a red one?"

"No."

"Ahh well, sorry Miss. I'm only allowed to use red ink on the pad." Sly called out, hoping it covered the sound of the Inspector's doorbell he'd just pressed.

"I'll keep looking."

Sly looked back to check the female sheep hadn't returned. And when his eyes came back to Carmelita's door, he was greeted by the thing he'd imagined a thousand times but could never come close to realising its true beauty. The face of Carmelita Montoya Fox seconds after it had woken. Neither one said anything, Sly was in a blissful numbness and Carmelita was in a sleepy haze. It was the Inspector who was first to awaken from her dreamlike state.

"Cooper!" The sound of shock in her voice broke the thief out of his trance. Remembering the other tenents might hear, she brought her voice down to a whisper. "What are you doing here, Ringtail! We're supposed to be meeting at the airfield at seven tonight!"

"Element of suprise, my love. If you didn't expect it neither will they." He beamed, knowing full well what he just said made no sense whatsoever and would create that fabulous flustered look Sly loved so much.

"What? What are you talking about?" It worked. Before more could be said, the ewe, Evans appeared with the red pen in hand.

"I got one... Carmelita! I didn't think you'd be up..." Evans laughed nervously.

"Evans!" Not knowing if the landlady recognised the famous thief, the vixen attempted to come up with a cover story. "Err this is.."

"Detective Russell Cronwell. Inspector Fox's long time admirer and temporary partner." Sly spoke up. "Miss Evans, are you aware that trying to obtain goods by deception is a criminal offence?" And with that Evans vanished back into her apartment. "So Carmelita... Do you always sleep in your clothes?" With the witness out the way, Sly when back to his old annoying ways, deciding he'd tell her what all that was about later. After all, she was too busy to worry about it now, what with all the 'thanking the maker I was to tired to change into my nightgown before I went to sleep' and all.

"THAT THIEF!" After getting some coffee in her and a quick wash and change (For which Sly was made to wait outside the apartment), Miss Fox was ready to attack the day and anything else that got in her way. The officer and thief then hopped into the car Sly had driven to Carmelita's and made their way to Legend's airfield. It pained Sly to drive the low profile minivan he was in, Murray was the one who drove the mission vechicles. When Sly drove himself and his 'lady friends', he'd normally be in his Mazda RX-8, the Porsche Cayman S or, for one of Carmelita's beauty, his light blue Shelby Cobra GT500. But once more work got in the way of showing Miss Fox the good life which she deserved, as all those cars would get the sort of attention a minivan doesn't. On the way Sly had informed his beloved what her landlady had been up to. "I knew something was up with those flowers! I just knew it!"

"Well look at it this way, next month's rent will be cheap." The ever present Cooper wit made itself evident as Sly drove, one hand on the wheel, the other leant on the window. "I've got to say, I'm flattered you've got this het up over the flowers I sent you."

"I don't care about your damn flowers, I can't stand the things. It's the principle of the thing. She is a thief and she should be punished."

"She probably already has been. Think about, if all you said about her is true, that she's nothing but someone who desires fame what's the worst thing they can imagine? It's someone who doesn't even have to try to be beautiful, i.e. you, having a fan send you flowers whilst she gets nothing after all her hard work."

"That's one of the most stupid excuses I've ever heard, Ringtail." Carmelita lied. It was quite a good reason for Evans behaviour. It also explained why she kept suggesting Carmelita use her body, she was trying to bring the vixen down to her level. "Trust you to try and justify her theft."

"I'd never try and justify someone stealing from you, just giving a reason for it." Sly said as he came up to a red traffic light. "Cooper's have a code of honour, we don't like those who steal from the law abiding."

"What about your last heist? I think you'll find Sr. Kellerman has never had so much as a parking ticket."

"Ah but he didn't own the gems. They were bought by the musuem's owner, a very shady man called Phillip Lark..."

"The jewel thief? But he's robbed that musuem a few times himself." Inspector Fox stated as the lights turned green and they continued towards their destination.

"So he gets to sell the stuff again and he gets the insurance money. Besides, those gems belonged to the Coopers. Jolly Jake Cooper stole them for her then-Captain, Captain Ville. Then there was this whole double-cross thing and a lot of craziness... but I digress." Sly reached in the compartment in his door and pulled out some blueprints. "Right, we're nearly there. First off we need to grab some shots of the planes, the weapons hanger, basically the stuff of Legend's. We also need see where Kofi is, not take him on."

"I know, Ringtail. Is this really all your buddy needs to come up with a heist plan?" The vixen looked over the blueprints and brushed her hair behind her ear. "Seems pretty basic compared what they usually consist of."

"Yeah, Bentley can do a lot with very little..." The thief turned into a side alley when the gates of the airfield came into view. Game time! "Carmelita, to get this job done we're gonna have to do a little breaking and entering. Now since it's without warrant, you probably guessed it's illegal. You sure you want to do it this way?"

"One of the benefits of a flawless record, Ringtail, is people trust you enough to give you one of these." The Inspector pulled out a laminated card out her coat pocket. "A level fifteen warrant, the keys to the city. With this baby I can legally barge in to any suspect's hideout without asking permission at anytime. Only three of these have ever been issued to an Interpol Officer. I got it after I brought in the Fiendish Five."

"Ooo, very nice. Not as nice as you, fairest of the fair, but still very nice." The comment got him a sharp punch in the arm. "If I'd known the police issued those, I would signed up with Interpol years ago. Oh well, too late now... Let's go." After retrieving his family cane from the backseat, Sly and Carmelita made their way across the street to the wire fence, which was quickly scaled.


	15. The Stuff Of Legend

**Deadmen Tell No Tales** by Nee Knight 

**NOTES**- Sly Cooper and related characters are property of Sucker Punch. Macavity's name is A.L. Webber and/or T.S. Eliot. Nee own nothing but isn't that worth more (NO! Nee owns the story and some of the characters). This chapter was mean to be Chapter 5, but other stuff had to be explained sooooo...

erickdragon101 - Of course he sends her flowers, he loves her. The break did payoff, didn't it? Nee glad Nee did good. Knight Out!

wheres my book - It's good to be back. Thank you for stopping the puppy dog eyes, Nee was about to cry. Evans was a great character to play with, who knows, Nee may bring her back. As for the car conversation, Nee's happy that Nee exceeded in the humour sector as that is something Nee's always trying to do.

Coriana Raposa - Nee always strives to be interesting. And Nee hopes Nee has something here otherwise what's Nee added too?

Heiduska - Evans isn't really mean, she's just hurting. Carmelita doesn't have to try to be beautiful, she doesn't have to flaunt herself to get the attention of men and that basically what Evans does all day... Personally Nee doesn't thinks Evans need to do that to be loved but the day a character actually listens to Nee will be when heck freezes over ;)

Winged Sence - Oh no... Nee sorry Felix, Nee didn't mean to get you punched. Is it okay for Nee to pay the medical bill? Get back to Nee on that... Moving on, Nee is so happy you two love the story. And as for writing beautifully, Nee can only take part of the credit... Nee knows this sounds corny but it's true... It's because Nee has to keep giving stuff back to "the fans" after all the joy you lot given Nee. You guys take a bow at your computers, go on who cares if anyone stares at you! Thank You.

DivineGuardian - Don't pout, Nee has does long chapters before and they are a slog to read. This chapter and the last one were actually the same chapter before Nee sliced into two. And you can stop the wink wink nudge nudge, it doesn't work. And what do you mean "that was clever of you"? You saying Nee ain't normally clever? It's okay, Nee just messing with you. Nee's bouncing around the room from your comments Don't mention Sly 3 for a few weeks, Nee's in England and we haven't even got a release date yet.

**Ch15 - The Stuff Of Legend**

Where as the vixen went straight over the airfield's wire fence, the raccoon perched on top of the support poles via the ninja spire jump, and took a few snaps of the control tower, a guard tower and the main gates.

"That guard tower is going to make a direct assault on the main gate impossible." Bentley's nasal voice commented. "Try to see if there are any other means to get in, just in case me or Murray can help out..." Some noise Sly could hear in the background distracted the turtle. "That's only if Sly gets in trouble, Murray... He may need your strength... Murray, you have to learn to roll with the punches..." Although Sly couldn't make out what Murray was saying, he guessed from what Bentley had said that the big guy was still having Kofi issues. "Err, Sly, I'll talk to you later, got to talk to Murray. Remember: look for another entry point, get a picture of Iain's two passenger planes and scout out that hangar at the far side of the airfield. That should be the weapon storage hangar, and its also the place the bug happens to be in."

"Sure thing Bent, just take care of..."

"Cooper, are we doing this or what?" Carmelita said in a loud whisper.

"...Murray. Sly out." Putting the binoc-u-com away, The Cooper threw on a cocky grin and looked down at the impatient Fox. "Coming, honey."

"Call me that again and you'll be choking on your own tail." While the lady threatened her temporary partner, the two ran across the airfield taking cover wherever they could.

"It wouldn't be the first time, my dear. Some of my past girlfriends had weird ideas about romance." The pair ducked behind a ammunition crate as one of Iain's goons walked past. Sometimes it amazed the raccoon how dumb guards could be, he and the cop had just ran at least two hundred yards across the runway and only had to hide once to avoid being spotted.

"I could have happily lived out my life without that image being put into my mind."

"Ahh, you know you love it." Whipping out the binoc-u-com again, Sly took some more pictures. This time he took a few snaps of the planes, which the thief had to note looked like a lot of work was going into. But before he could voice his concerns the body of a badger goon fell down beside him. "Woah!"

"You want to hurry up, Ringtail?" Standing over the downed guard, Inspector Fox held her still-smoking shockpistol in her hand. "Don't we have a hangar to investigate?" Not waiting for Sly to say anything, she ran to the hangar. Sly joined her moments later and pointed out the sign on the door...

Low Self Esteem  
Support Group  
Meets Thursday  
At 7pm  
(Please Use The Back Door)

Carmelita merely pushed through while the raccoon mildly chuckled before joining his fantasy woman. They were met by a wall of crates. Peering up one could see there was space on top of the wooden boxes to walk on and that lights were on around the other side.

"Hello!" When the presence of a third voice startled the pair, it took only a matter of seconds for Sly to carry the unwitting vixen up to the top of the wall, out the way of any possible enemy's line of sight.

"Next time WARN ME before picking me up." Carmelita hissed.

"Shhh! Look." The coon pointed down to what had been on the other side of the wall. It looked like a small film set, a tropical beach backdrop hung up on another wall of crates, a camera, a director's chair and bullhorn. But all of that wasn't what Cooper was looking at, what caught his attention was the source of the voice.

"No, no. Let me start again. That wasn't right..." It was Scott Crawford! That newscasting primadonna. The one who tried to make Carmelita look stupid before the Argentina caper, but what was he doing inside a weapon hangar done up like a studio? "I think I've got it now. Lights, camera, action..." he said moments before slapping on a plastic grin and looking at the camera. "Hello there! I'm Scott Crawford, face of SCES news. Now after a long day of reading bits of paper to a camera, the first thing I like to do is unwind by blowing the stuffing out of a neighbouring nation, that's why I'm here today to tell you about the wonderful deals down at Legend's Arms Traders. Weapons like the..."

"Is he actually doing an advert for a weapons dealership?" Sly turned Carmelita, not believing his eyes.

"Yeah, I think so." Eyes focused solely on the newsreader, who was acting as if he was endorsing a blender or something, Carmelita couldn't help but think... 'This is just ridiculous. This sort of thing only ever happens in poorly-written stories.' For a few minutes they both sat in silence watching the insanity continue to unfold.

"...Then we come to a Legend's exclusive. Built by the owner and operator, the Infiltraitor 5411 is the latest stage in spy warfare. It sets out the brain of a captive like a computer, and gives you the ability to copy, paste, edit and delete their files. Perfect for parties, Friday nights in and, of course, world conquest. Not due to ship 'til next month, operators are standing by to take your orders." Sly took a few photos of the machine, he knew that during the heist he'd have to make sure not one of the devices made it out of the complex. "And now the man... woman... Err, Iain what are you?"

"Iain'sss a sssnake!" A happy, distorted, childlike voice called out of the shadows. It was the same voice Carmelita had heard in the club and now she was not focused on Kofi she remembered it being there at her father's death. Knowing she'd blow everything by attacking the arms dealer then and there, Miss Fox remained were she was and clenched her fists so hard they almost bled.

"Okay... And now the snake itself, Iain Legend."

And with that, the mad inventor stepped out of the shadows and Carmelita saw Iain for the first time. Needless to say it was shock, the small body did not match its innocent voice. The famed three foot cybertronic suit which gave the snake arms and legs was dressed in a variety of black belts with silver buckles, plastic-looking skintight black leather which didn't cover most of the shiny pistons inside and a pair of loose fitting 'Raver' trousers. All topped off by a black gas mask and cowboy hat, Iain looked like a cross between a character from Hellraiser and the Terminator. To say Iain looked and sounded like a freak would be a understatement. As all this went through the cop's head, her companion was taking pictures and trying not to laugh at how ironic it was for a 'snake' to be an 'arms' dealer.

"Hello there, all Iain'sss wacky friendsss. Asss you heard from Ssscott, at Legend'sss we're happy for our legsss to bring you your armsss. But remember you don't get the cassshe until Iain get'sss the casssh! Ssso sssend your checksss, possstal ordersss and firssst born to usss ssso you can ssstart your plansss asss sssoon asss possssssible... Can we ssstop Ssscott? Iain'sss gasss masssk isss filling with ssspit for sssome reassson."

"That's probably 'cos of your lisp."

"What lisssp?"

"Ahh yes, that's right. You don't know you're doing it... Okay we'll probably have enough in the can already to do your ad." Scott hopped over to the still-rolling camera, turned it off, took out the video and placed it on the seat of the director's chair giving it a pat before walking over to Iain. "Once that hits and the sales from this place shall skyrocket."

"Iain ssstill doesssn't get why Iain can't be in it more." Although the mask remained on, you could almost see a confused expression on Iain's face. Scott's face changed to one of fake empathy, the sort most reporters use with still traumatized victims of a disaster.

"Iain, as one of your investors, it's my duty to do what's best for the company. Now the unwashed public masses will follow anyone with a great face and a loud voice. They will do whatever that man says, I should know. And I possess both these qualities, you, on the other hand, don't! Okay?"

"Oh, Okay!" Iain said with a glee unusual for someone who'd just been insulted. "Iain getsss it now. Thanksss for explaining that to Iain"  
"Now where's Kofi? I want to see if he thought about my offer yet."

"He'sss out at the moment. Iain sssent him to get sssome more juice after he got through the lassst batch." The short cyborg and his famous reporter friend left the hangar, talking about the money Iain was about to make them both and the way one could use static to climb walls. Once the coast was clear, the raccoon dropped down, picked up the video and along with lovely Miss Fox made their way out of the airport and back to the Spanish Vixen, mildly concussing two more guards on their way.

"We got everything we came for and more. Let's see what Bentley can pull together from this."


	16. Turning a Legend to a Myth

**Deadmen Tell No Tales** by Nee Knight 

**NOTES**- Sly Cooper and related characters are property of Sucker Punch. Macavity's name is A.L. Webber and/or T.S. Eliot. Nee owns some stuff, including a "Legless but Smiling" hat from Nee's holiday.  
Once again, many sorries for slithering off to Va-Va Land (Check the Reviews Reviews) Nee has been busy trying to avoid all the Sly 3 spoilers... Sometimes being a brit smarKs but it's out in a few days so YAY!

erickdragon101 - Now, now, no reason for language like that... You don't know that Iain was born out of wedlock. And Iain may seem like a weirdo to you but weirdo is a relative term, what's weird to one, may be the norm to another.  
Besides, Iain is based on Nee... No way was Iain going to match society's template.

Winged Sence - Yay! That was the reaction Nee was after. Felix, she can hug whoever she deems cute. HUG ON! Plus once you've read this chapter, you may change you views Felix. And as for your last question, you'll probably never know ;)

Heiduska - Nee's glad Nee could make you laugh, sometimes these things write themselves. Just seems the sort of thing Sly would do, and that would probably be Carmelita's reaction.

wheres my book - Continue Wall-bouncing if you want, Nee does it all the time. Carmelita's just speaking her mind and that's why we love her... Even if she's being hurtful to Nee's person sob  
As for Murray, he's never been beaten in a scrap. To have Kofi throw him (Not to mention the van) around like a ragdoll, to have been beaten so completely, was soul destroying. Plus Sly's mention of a superhero who gave up didn't do much to help. Mr. Crawford was just too fun not to bring back. And stop that toe tapping!

Coriana Raposa - Thanks

DivineGuardian - And a fantastic review ! Hellraiser is a Horror movie franchise, main monster called Pinhead. Nee thinks you're talking about Hellsing which is quite a good anime... Nee's been wanting to use that 'armsdealer' joke forever and Iain's unknown lisp was inspired by Terry Pratchett's character, the Duckman.  
You're Australian? Cool, Nee has mad respect for anyone who can survive a country that boasts the top ten most poisonous everything :D Most poisonous things in England are the School Kids.

Vanished Paradigm - Yay VP is baaack! How was La-La Land for you? Nee thinks that place has become too touristy and commmercialized, so Nee visits the lesser-known place called Va-Va Land. Thank you for your comments about the humour, plot and madness.  
Nee had noticed that too, does this mean Sucker Punch has read Nee's work... Oh Nee's Gosh! Anyone from SP reading this, Nee sorry for what Nee has done to the world you made. Please forgive Nee and let Nee know you read this.

RatchetSly - Woah! Thanks for all the reviews. I will now try to respond to them in order.  
1.Nee is a Brit and as such can't NOT know about the Queen/Bowie thing. It was great... But it's a shame there wasn't more collaboration (wow that's a long word.  
2.Thanks. Nee was hoping to get Kofi's Creep factor up to CAPITAL level.  
3.Monty Python does rock, doesn't it? Why do you think Nee is called Nee Knight? Glad you are insane, sane people have less fun... Nee tried sanity for a week a while ago... Didn't like it.  
4.Probably because Babelfish took the name from Hitchhiker...  
5.SPICY SOUP! YES!  
6.Well Sly is always calling himself a 'lady killer' so he's bound to encounter some... 'unusual' tastes... Moving On, Iain is strange only because he embodies what you believe is strange. Kofi's name maybe explained in coming chapters so just bear with Nee... And Nee has read some of Runaways and Nee likes what Nee sees.  
7.Nee did suffer a little writer's block...

chitoryu12 - Glad you like Carmelita, Nee works so hard on trying to get her just right, which is hard to do with so many different Carmelitas running around... Nee just tries not to 'make her' but let her make herself. As for the translation, you're pretty close to what Nee wanted... Carmelita wanted more rude words but Nee got her to tone it down a bit...

Xhavius - ... Have you been reading Nee's notes? Yes, Macavity does employ the best, mainly because they are the only ones who are powerful enough to take him out. Why have powerful enemies when you can make them powerful friends? He's smart and uses those who can help him, but don't be fooled, Chris would kill most of them in a heartbeat...

heistmaster - G'day heistmaster, nice to see you've made it... Yes everyone, Nee has found another who speaks in third person (But Nee was the trendsetter and did it first ) And for your info HM, Nee left quite a few links on the board...

Right now that's done... On with the show...

**Ch16 - Turning a Legend to a Myth**

The room was silent as its occupants waited. A few days had passed since the recon mission, in which time the gang and Carmelita had plotted out the next phase of their plan and recoopered most of their stength. The next day was the big day.  
With the rest of the Spanish Vixen sat down ready for the briefing, Bentley made his way up to the DJ's decks Sly had used when playing the bug to Carmelita. Unlike Sly, the turtle couldn't simply jump up into the space above the bar from the main hall, the small genius had to walk through the vast amount of backrooms the Spanish Vixen hid behind it's doors.

"Are we doing this today!" Shouted the ill-tempered vixen, her tail swaying from side to side in a impatient fashion.

"Almost there, Inspector Fox!" The turtle yelled back before muttering to himself things he'd never have the gall to say toCarmelita's face. For one as smart as Bentley, it was infuriating not being able to understand his friend's fixation on the red-furred irritant. She was brash, rude, always angry and (In Bentley's mind) uncaring and Sly couldn't get enough of her! Sly had been with many many women, who, according to the statistics, were more attractive, more kind-hearted and more patient than Carmelita and he tired of them quickly, it made no sense. After a few minutes, he got to the DJ's station and aimed the projector at the wall in front of the seated members of their happy family. The projector whirred into life and Bentley began the presentation. "Right! First slide is of Iain Legend, Deadman Inc.'s weapons dealer and genius. Born in Mexico, this former child prodigy was kidnapped and taken along with other young geniuses into a research project at the age of four. The project was testing the theory that children would make the best inventors if they had the knowledge to back it up. Which, although experimenting on infants is morally wrong, is an interesting scientific theory. The researchers believed that since the imagination of a child is unhindered by such things as can, can't, right or wrong, they'd stumble upon scientific theories that an adult's mind is to closed to create..."

"Then why is he in Paris making weapons for a crime ring?" Sly put forward.

"I'm getting to that." Bentley said, slightly perturbed with being interrupted. "Now where was I? oh yes. To keep Iain's mind in it's childlike state, Iain was feed Verocks gas which he still uses today, which regresses the mind back to an infant stage. They also hardwired Iain's brain and uploaded information into the snake, so there was knowledge that could be used without learning it's boundaries. Anyway, the project ended when the crime organisation that aided in the kidnappings came to collect the pay it was owed..."

"That would be Deadman Inc, would it?" Carmelita interjected, seeing the connection. 'Daos... What kind of guys are we dealing with?'

"That is correct, Inspector." Although just as annoyed with the vixen's butting-in as he'd been with Sly's, Bentley was smart enough not to snap at her the way he knew he could with Sly. "Foolishly the research team wouldn't or couldn't pay them for a good four to six years and as the next slide shows, found on the internet, DMI sent their resident repo man." The next slide the turtle presented to the gang was a scene of sheer and complete chaos. It look like a shot taken from a Hollywood action film Sly and Murray would watch rather than a piece of security footage from a lab. Fire, blood and billows of smoke were all that were visible, except for a tall dark shape one could just make out behind a wall of flame.

"Kofi..." The soft whisper of the figure's name came from a quite-scared Murray, who had sat behind the vixen and the racoon during the briefing.

"Yes and as you can see he also collected the interest as well. Needless to say none of the scientists were around to stand trial for their crimes against Iain and the other children in the project... Now whereas the other children returned home, Iain's couldn't be found so DMI took Iain in and since the snake had no concept of right or wrong, Iain saw no harm in it when the crime ring asked Legend to make weapons." Bentley paused for a moment. "Tis a shame such a brillant mind had been consumed by madness."

"Yeah, yeah, isn't it sad?" Carmelita said sarcastically, not feeling the least bit sorry for the snake who'd walked with her father's killer. "Point is, that THING is a criminal and like all criminals must be stopped. How about some more info on Kofi or the layout of the airstrip?"

"Well...Well I'm afraid, Inspector Fox, I've yet to find reference to Kofi on both the police mainframe and the world wide web." The pint-size brainbox of the group recoiled from Carmelita's guaranteed wrath at his inablity to find out more about their mammoth monster problem.

"WHAT! THE GUY HAS KILLED ENOUGH CITIZENS TO QUALIFIED FOR GENOCIDE AND YOU CAN'T FIND A SHRED OF INFORMATION ON HIM?" Carmelita stood up and span round to look at the turtle up in the DJ booth, completely flabbergasted by what came from his mouth. "WHAT KIND OF..."

"Hey, hey, hey... Calm down, Carmelita. Bent's trying his best to do you a favour. Now we don't mind you shouting at us on heists, I normally enjoy it but not when we are trying to help you." Sly did not raise his voice, no way was he prepared to shout at the one he loved, but a more serious tone could be heard in his voice. Not one for remaining serious for long, Sly lightened up quickly. "Now do we have to put you in a diaper and give you a time out? Because you know I will." He gave a cheeky smile.

"Just get on with it and give us some info we can use." Defeated for the moment and knowing Cooper would dress her in a nappy and sit her in a corner despite the fact she'd fight him all the way, Carmelita sat down and let up to save herself the embarassment. 'After all Cooper is deceptively strong, he lifted me as if I weighed nothing in that hangar. He could do anything to me if he chose to...' Her mind shuddered at that thought. '...Thank whoever tried instill in him the desire to be a gentleman. You didn't do a great job but at least he knows some boundaries.'

"Where that black panther is concerned, the only intel we've been able to gather is 'don't try to stop him by throwing the van at him'..." Bentley continued after coming back out of his shell.

"I'll explain later." Sly whispered to the vixen after seeing her beautiful slender eyebrows shoot up at the words 'throwing the van'.

"... But I have been able to scrape together one heck of a plan. It's a little something I like to call 'Operation Legend Killer'. From the information Sly and Carmelita obtained on site and the blueprints I downloaded off the city's database, I have come up with a way we can completely destroy Iain's weapon supply along with those dangerous 'Infiltraitor 5411's. First off Murray will help us deal with those pesky guards at the entrance..."

"I'm staying in the van!" Murray exclaimed with his arms folded.

"Excuse me!" As Bentley spoke his words everyone looked at the 'ex-super hero'. "Murray, we need you for this one. All you have to do is use your muscle to carry this Sleep bomb I've made up to the gate." Bentley quickly changed slides to show a huge crate, no doubt full of the same knockout gas Bentley had come up with for the crossbow he'd been working on. "The guards from that sector will all fall to sleep, and those from other sectors will..."

"But what if I run into that black monster again? You guys saw how he tore right through me last time... No, I'm sorry but I won't do it!" The pink lug was being very clear on that point.

"Bentley..." Sly sighed, knowing trying to pull Murray out of his funk would waste minutes that were rapidly running out, the 'coon tried to see another way around the problem the hippo was presenting. "... is there any way I could lift it?"

"..." Bentley thought for a few more seconds before the answer came to him. "Sly, we won't be needed your assistance in that area because I just came up with something that'll solve our problems and make sure our prey is trapped." A slide that showed the air traffic control tower appeared on the screen and the sound of the whirring projector faded into the night.


End file.
